Superbia Et Furor
by TheyCallMeDanger
Summary: After a year at Bullworth filled with love and deception, Sophia has returned to Bullworth hoping for a regular year without Garys turmoil. Unfortunately, Gary has returned from Happy Volts much to the dismay of Sophia. How will Sophia respond to the embodiment of Superbia et Furor?
1. Chapter 1: The Belly Of The Beast

Disclaimer: Bully is a trademark of Rockstar games, as well as all the characters in this story with an exception of " Sophia"

I don't own any rights, I'm just writing a story.

Songs in this story are "Damn Girl" By All American Rejects and "Goodnight Socialite" by the Brobecks. All lyrics belong to them respectively~

Chapter 1: Back to the Belly of the Bull

_I'm not much better without you, I'm like your victim, and all that you need is an alibi._

Breathe. The simple necessity seemed to be draining me of the little strength that I had left. Hindsight they say is always 20/20 but not by much whenever the feelings of yesterday still played your heart like a fine tuned piano. Finding all the right notes to echo straight down to your core. It had only been a year ago since I had stepped foot onto that rough brick path leading up to a towering building etched with fresh spray painted graffiti, just seeping a kind of roughness that only the inhabitants could top.

Worst of all…I had another year to be subjected to it. Then another year after that. I had begged…no _pleaded_…to get them to let me transfer somewhere else. _Anywhere but here. _Yet, here I stood. Waving my parents off as they handed me a neat roll of money and offered me a kiss on my cheek, a part of me realized that I had begun the healing process already. Confronting the demon, so to speak. The whole place was like a sort of hell to be faced in some ways.

"Take care darling." My mother called over her shoulders while my father curtly nodded at me, never the one for words.

With that, reality finally sunk in. I picked up my slightly worn suitcase with the name "Sophia Madeline Scott" written clearly on the front and brushed a hand down my pleated green skirt, attempting to smooth my shirt tails into it. Greying bricks led towards the girl's dormitory, a trail in which I followed barely looking at the other students that had excitedly been running around or gossiping. I knew that I should be able to breathe easy…_he _wasn't around. Jimmy had made sure that _he _was put where he "belonged" at the end of last year. A one way trip to Happy Volts Asylum. Just like that memories came flooding back to me.

_I've got your knife inside my back._

"_There's something I want to tell you, m'dear."_

"_What's that Gary?"_

_I've got your rope around my neck,_

"_I never really loved you-"__  
__I feel the poison in my veins,_

"_never really cared-"__  
__Corrode and eat away my brain._

"_in fact, I think you're pathetic-"__  
__I've told you fifteen dozen times,_

"_The only reason I said did-"__  
__And that's one hundred-eighty times,_

"_is because you're a bigger moron as the rest, so much fun to play with-"__  
__If I can't have you,_

"_and I didn't want anyone else to wise up to that-"__  
__Then no one can._

"_It was just easier to keep you under my thumb."_

Those cutting, cutting words never ceased to replay in my head. I shouldn't have felt so bad. He had played quite literally everyone. Jimmy, even Petey, his only true friend. Oh, but he had gotten me good. I wasn't sure if it was as visible as it seemed. Like a bruise under the skin, it had ached something fierce at first, now all that was there was a dull throb that was more of a nuisance on a road to hopeful recovery, than anything. I brushed those thoughts away with a deep sigh. It was a new year meant for a new me. Sure Bullworth Academy wasn't the best place for fresh starts…why the hell not try?

Before I could find a way to derail my own pep talk, I made my way through the posh girls lounge and towards my room that I shared with a stark black haired girl with glasses that was in my grade, Angie Ng. The Dorm smelled faintly of the flowers that hugged its exterior, its scent drifting in through the open windows. The weather was too nice to keep the building shut up.

"Sophiiaaaaaa!" I heard someone practically shriek in a voice that resembled Fran. The voice sounded recognition in my brain. A willowy figure approached, red ponytail bobbing with every step she took. "Hey Christy, what's up?" I asked politely, though mildly at unease. It wasn't that Christy was a bad person to be hanging out with, but more often than not, her tongue was loose and as cutting as the Head cheerleader. Mandy.

"I was wondering if you would come back, after you know, what happened with you and that sociopath Gary Smith." I tried my best to keep my cool even though I felt like my stomach was making a quick acquaintance with my feet. Managing a laugh, though it sounded surprisingly hollow, "We weren't even friends really. I felt kind of bad for him, what with the fact that he only had a few more years left to live an all. That's why he was so crazy, you know…" I shrugged, quickly concocting some story. I knew that that would be the kind of story that Christy would just die if she didn't tell someone.

Her large brown eyes widened in surprise "Ohhhmygawd! I can't believe that! You are such a good person Sophia! I've GOT to go tell someone about this!" she said quickly sauntering off, to spread the rumor faster than a wildfire blazing as red as her hair. While Christy as busy running down the halls, I had finally made it to my room. Books were lying all around the hardwood desk that was leaning against the other side of the room and freshly pressed clothes were already hanging immaculately in the wardrobe.

"I hope you don't mind." Angie said emerging from the doorway indicating the desk.

"Nah, no problem." I did most of my work on my bed anyway, it seemed more comforting than pouring all my hours under a strained light of a lamp, cramped up on a hard desk chair. That was just how Angie was though, always trying to keep up her grades so that she wouldn't disappoint her mother.

"Someone was looking for you by the way." She informed me as she was stacking up her books in attempt get organized. That piqued my interest. "It was some guy that was wearing a pink shirt. I believe his name is Peter." I couldn't help the small smile at the mention of Pete. "I'd better go see what he wants, thanks Ang." I said ducking out of dorm quickly before any more questions could be asked. Petey Kowalski was one of the few guys at the school that was worth hanging out with.

I found him standing outside of the boy's dorm room that was across from the girl's.

"Hey Petey!" I said immediately giving him a quick hug that made him blush pinker than his long sleeved pink undershirt that had become his staple. His skin was slightly damp with a thin coat of sweat. "Hey Soph." He said rubbing his neck and giving me a quick smile. "I was wondering if you'd be back." He began timidly.

"I couldn't just leave you and Jimmy hanging, Pete." I patted his arm affectionately. The kid had taken his fair share of abuse the last couple of years and I had a fondness of him that could only be compared to a sister. The way that he was shifting on his feet and glancing around made me quickly realize that something was amiss.

"You alright Pete?" I questioned him wondering if the Bully's had made another threat against him, or if maybe he it was the greasers. Sometimes they were good for that even though Petey now held the esteemed title of head boy and could get every single one of them in more trouble than it was worth.

"I didn't think that you had heard-"

"Yes, I was wondering if she had heard the news too Femme-boy" A voice said from over my shoulder and I could feel all my blood run cold in my veins.

5


	2. Chapter 2: Ghost Of The Past

Chapter 2: Ghost Of The Past

I could feel those words crawling up my spine, threatening to tighten around my throat. Walking into my vision, Gary stood like a ghost against an alternate reality that I had thought existed without his presence. He looked exactly like he always had. Standing nearly a whole foot taller than me, presence nearly as dominating as his face was. Always so brooding, with that scar drastically cut into his eyebrow and dipping low under his eye.

It was like he was still the same person as a year ago; there were no visible changes. That same person that I would have done absolutely everything for, yet that same person that told me that I was nothing more to him than one of those morons that he played. How could someone that looked so much the same, straight from the fade haircut that he had, to the neatly pressed slacks, slightly disarrayed teal Bullworth vest and rolled up undershirt, to the bands around his wrists, be so different.

The three of us stood there for what felt like a very uncomfortable millisecond before Gary spoke up. "I take it that you're just peachy and can't contain your excitement to see me, eh?" He asked coming closer still. The slight fragrance of soap and cologne wafted towards me. I prayed that he wouldn't get any closer; I couldn't trust myself to handle that. Part of knew that I might fly off the handle and give Gary Smith a date with my right fist.

"Here I was thinking I wouldn't get the pleasure, since you know, you were all locked up and what-not." He laughed a little. "Cheeky isn't she femme-boy? Well, if you girls are done chatting, I'd like to catch up with you Petey." He said putting his arm around the smaller boy and ushering him away. Pete threw her an apologetic look over his shoulder, I smiled and gave him a nod in reassurance, but it didn't reach my eyes. As much I she cared for Petey, I couldn't help him when it came to him and Gary. The kid was a glutton to the abuse that Gary was apt at dishing out.

Well that surely was a game changer. I wonder if Jimmy knew about Gary's attendance. Thinking that he probably didn't, I set out to find him. There was a few places that I could think to look, but thankfully my options were cut short when I spotted him and Zoe holding hands and walking past the old abandoned school bus. I suddenly wished that I was like Zoe, long, lean and brutal. Zoe was decked out in combat boots and a ripped skirt with short, fierce red hair that matched her personality. She wouldn't have taken shit from Gary, she'd have pounded him a good one.

I was nothing like Zoe. I was tiny and almost as feeble looking as Petey. Wispy bangs always pulled back by a headband, long blonde hair hanging down my back, and a shapely feature, not lean but not thick either. Everything about me gave off the vibe that I couldn't hurt a fly. That had been part of the reason that I had paired up with Petey the first day that I had arrived at Bullworth. Neither of us seemed threatened by the other because we both were harmless. Myself, like him, was as he liked to say "Too cool to be a dork, and too dorky to be anything else."

Then I had gotten myself tangled up with Gary Smith. God had I ever. He had protected me; he had never said one bad thing about me to anyone (in fact he would have hit anyone that did). I would have known, someone or another would have told me. The only thing that I had held against me was misguided rumors from Mandy and the fact that I hung out with a trouble maker, a nobody, and a sociopath.

I had done the inevitable. I had fallen incomplete and irreversible love with him, and I had fallen hard. Sure, he was and would always be a narcissist and a bit manipulative. It wasn't that he was such a misjudged character, but there was more to him than that. He had been generally kind in an offhand way, smart, funny, and protective. Like unwanted company, once again the past came back with a startling clarity, intruding into the forefront of her mind.

_The observatory was chilly and seemed so barren when it was empty. None of the nerds were gallivanting around and playing Grottos and Gremlins. Gary had led me here with nothing but a flashlight and a jacket. Wherever he went, I followed without question, I trusted him. I held onto his wrist, pressure slightly increasing whenever I feared I'd trip over one of the stairs._

_ "I gotcha." He said as he pulled me up after him._

_Once we were at the top, he went to one of the windows and sat down, leading me by the hand to sit down beside him. "I like it up here sometimes, when it's quiet, so that I can think." He said to me. I nestled against his arm and he only raised it slightly so that I could duck into the warm crook of his arm._

_ "What do you think about?" I asked him curiously. _

"_Life." He replied and we sat there watching the sunset fall against the looming hills, yellowing from the cold weather, soon to be lightly powdered with a layer of snow. I reached down to take his hand; one of his could only be covered by two of mine. He glanced down and gave a smile. A true one, one that wasn't brought forth by tormenting someone or talking about himself. _

"_What about life?" I questioned him. He took his hand out of my grasp and fit both my hands in one of his palms, curling his fingers around them. His body heat mingled with mine, and it was nice just sitting with him like that. He was calm, at peace, just holding my hands and watching the sunset. It was like he needed this moment away from everything._

_ "My father really. He's in prison. He kept hitting the bottle and then felt like hitting something else. It was me usually; sometimes he'd try it with my pops. Pops didn't like that very much of course and had the cad arrested. He's the one that gave me this scar you know…" He flinch he gave was just barely visible. The look in his eye as distant and far-off, as if he were reliving that moment all over again. I stroked his thumb with my finger, not knowing what to tell him that would ease that kind of pain. _

_ "Gary…you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I told him quietly, though with much conviction. He only shook his head and nestled a little closer to me._

_ "I want to tell you Soph." He said taking a little breath, I could see the little chilly wisps escaping his lips and it only made me shiver more. His arm tightened around me and he pressed on. _

_ "He got real drunk and he cracked an empty beer bottle on the table, shattered that thing to pieces and he came after me for some reason or another. Hell, I don't even remember. Something stupid most likely, he had a knack for doing that. Anyways, I threw up my arms to protect myself, but I wasn't quick enough because I wasn't expecting it. So…now I'm left with the reminder that you always have to pay attention. You always have to watch. You always have to know what's going on or else you're going to get hurt." _

_ I stared at him carefully for a long while after that. It was so unfair that someone so young would have to carry around a very present physical reminder of such physical pain. Gary Smith was tough, hardened, and perfectly capable of manipulating anyone and everything in his path…yet, under the surface there was so much hurt and pain that you couldn't even begin to even grasp it._

_ "When did it happen?" I asked him, barely whispering out. Without realizing it, I had reaching out a hand to his face; he turned to look at me. With the slow approach of walking upon a wild animal, I first grazed his cheek before lifting my fingers higher to just below his eye. I traced the scar into his eyebrow. "It was about 4 years ago. I was 12." He informed me. How many times would he have to go back to that memory? What I wouldn't do to go back and save him from his own future. As if he could read my mind he pulled me into his arms._

_ "You couldn't have saved me Soph. I wear these scars with a reminder that I can take anything that life throws at me. It's made me who I am."_

_ "How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked him perplexed._

_ "I can read your mind almost like I can my own. You aren't like everyone else in this worthless school. You aren't mean, you aren't tough, you aren't the scum of the earth, and you shouldn't be here…but I'm glad you are. The school…I…need someone like you here. That cares." He said and with that, he leaned down and his lips met mine. It was gentle and tender, his hands cradled me into his warmth, and so much as exchanged in such a little kiss._

_And that….was the first time Gary had kissed me._

A cold dark thought seeped into my head, ruining such a tightly held precious moment. "He doesn't want you. He didn't then, and he doesn't now.

"Yo, Jimmy!" I called, voice sounding a bit hoarse, but I wouldn't cry. Ohhhh no. All my tears had dried up.

"You know Gary's back?" I called whenever his head turned my way, hand half raised ready to wave in greeting.

"You're kidding right? That bastard…" he said, and in his eyes I saw it. Pity. He pitied me. He knew…he knew what Gary had done.

6


	3. Chapter 3: Remember

** A/N- I'm going to try and update this story at least once every day! It's my new writing goal, and most likely it will be at or around midnight each day because I work! **

**Kris'TINA thanks so much! :3 I'm trying my best with this one!**

**Nicolesuperbully- Thank you, I shall be updating as often as I can!**

**Reviews are /greatly/ appreciate! Let me know what you think!**

**Also, I forgot to mention in this story, it takes place in Sophia/Gary P.O.V so there will be switches in P.O.V's!**

**I sincerely apologize for any spelling/grammar/tense errors, I will do my best to correct them and the story will be updated with proper versions as soon as I can!**

**Song lyrics "Set Me Free' By 3 Oh 3!**

Chapter 3: Remember

_Gary_

The walk with Petey had been far more silent than I liked. Usually the kid was practically chirping in my ear some nonsense or another. Warning me about something or someone, more often than naught, about myself.

"Femme boy! Come now, you must have so many pressing questions." I chided him, shaking him briefly with the arm that was haphazardly wrapped around his slender shoulder.

"Gary, why are you back?" He asked just barely over a whisper, a slight quiver in his voice.

"I'm out on good behavior, Petey. Cleaned up my act, so to speak." He didn't look convinced one bit, and I couldn't blame him. After the mess that had been made last year, would there be one person that would have believed me? Yes, there _would _have been one person if I hadn't have done what I had done.

"You're going to kill her, Gary." Petey stated, just as quietly as when he had spoken the first time. I winced under the surface, chewing on the inside of my cheek. I had known that I had crushed her then, but I hadn't known how badly it had until I had looked into her eyes. Push those thoughts away, I drilled myself. Now was not time for that.

"Ah, she'll be fine Petey." I told him, hand rising in a dismissing gesture. For the love of God, he'd better not press the situation. Good to his personality, Petey started going on about his summer, what happened at the school since I had been gone, and the arduous details of his life outside of Bullworth. Stories about helping his father, the librarian, down at the library ran rampant and it seemed like the only thing that had changed was the absence of me. The thought was mildly pleasing to know that life didn't just up and leave me, there was a hole created when my existence seeped through it.

Turning another corner, I was met face to face with a chubby, freckled face. A scar ran up the side of his head in his buzzed hair-line. Wearing a traditional Bullworth vest and a ball cap, he seemed the picture of nonchalance.

"Ahh Hopkins, how are things, friend?" I asked with an open snicker.

He wasn't alone. As soon as he had seen me, he pushed a slightly wide eyed Sophia behind his back. It was like he was trying to protect her from me, and if that didn't just lay heavy on my mind. Standing beside him, looking thoroughly un-amused was Jimmy's girlfriend. I eyed her over, her and Jimmy had a lot in common it appeared. They're face both set in a determined scowl, arms crossed tightly over their chest, with looks in their eyes that clearly said "You mess with me and I will beat you nine kinds of senseless."

Jimmy shifted his weight onto the other foot and poked a finger into my chest.

"I want to make it _very _clear that I run this school. You don't. If I get word that you are plotting again, I will have the whole school after you quicker than you can say 'I just forgot to take my pills, Jimmy' do you got that? Do you?" Chubby fingers poked harder into my chest cavity. Jimmy Hopkins was so foolish. I didn't want this pathetic school, all the manipulation had been done, and everything had played out for the most part. Did he think that I was stupid? I could assure him I was anything but what. Every part of me rebelled to keep vigilant, to keep watching.

"You got it chief." I shot back, giving him an exaggerated salute.

He nodded in approval, even if he was skeptical. He turned, hand lightly resting on Sophia's shoulder as she started walking away. One of Zoe's hands found its way in his as they found a rhythm. They set out walking against a backdrop of a falling horizon. Streaks of orange and red painted the sky. This would be the picture I would always remember, no one but Petey by my side, watching two people that most enthralled my mind, walk away. Before they made it out of the distance, Jimmy turned his head just over his shoulder to ruin my last words.

"Oh, and if you even so much as think about going near Sophia…don't. Russell will beat your bitch ass." He said and with that they were gone. Sophia didn't even look back, and a part of me was glad. Tucked deep inside, safely inside a lock box somewhere in my chest…was a barrage of feelings that I would never let out. Not ever again, I had thought last year that maybe I could, that I had found that perfect person to let into such an airtight defense that I had built up for myself.

I had been so wrong, and it had cost me. Gary Smith couldn't fall in love. That was unorthodox.

_And now I've found, You'll never get enough from me, so, baby, I'm a set you free, yeah, I'm a set you free._

Petey mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like "I told you so". The three's figures finally had disappeared and with that, it was my cue to go back to the dorm. "You coming, femme-boy?" I asked him. The school had an eerie quiet to it, all that I could hear was Petey's scuffles against the worn brick. Once inside the boy's dorm, I accessed that nothing appeared to be any different. The lounge was strewn with poker chips and the wall brazenly read "Go back to your mommy's you trust fund turds"

The room that Pete and I shared was more than likely more cleanly than most of the other boy's rooms. I didn't care one way or another, but Pete made it a point to pick up our clothes that littered the ground, and occasionally getting me to go to town to do some laundry because the ones at the school were make-shift and broken. Standing on the other side of the room, I stripped off my shirt but not before casting a catty "What? See something you like femme-boy?" to Petey. It never got old, but sometimes it just had no heart.

"You're messed up Gary." Came Petey's usual retort, but I was barely listening anyway. Quickly putting on a pair of shorts I climbed into bed and rolled over onto my side. The bed groaned from across the room and the light flickered off signaling that Petey too was heading for sleep. As my eyes closed, I tried to count sheep but I kept getting distracted. It wasn't like there wasn't anything to do in Bullworth if it wasn't for taking things over at the school; I had already made up my mind to find salvation this year.

That didn't mean I had to be all sunshine and daisies, running around as bright and happy as femme-boy…but it was something my therapist had suggested. I didn't really honestly care about most the people at school…had barely had enough interactions with them to really develop anything other than using them for exploitation or personal gain. Like a pauper I had whispered in their ear all the things that they had wanted to hear and planted the seeds of hatred towards Jimmy. It had been so easy.

Jimmy, Petey, and Sophia were the only ones that I had really connected with. Petey because he was the only person that could stand to be around me, gaining nothing more than company sometimes, though deep down I knew he was the kind of person to thrive on the attention…good or bad. Jimmy because he had won me over. If you can't beat them, join them. For someone so cocky and arrogant, with his brute strength somehow he had bested everyone. Lastly, was Sophia. I had wondered when she would come waltzing back into my life. I was half expecting her not to show up this year, after all, I couldn't blame her one bit. With her as the last thing on my mind, I fell uneasily into sleep.

_It was nearly midnight, and the Prefects were on full patrol, though they were getting tired assuredly. Carefully, I pulled Sophia along behind me, waiting for the Prefect that guarded the boys Dorm to walk towards the large gate at the entrance. The sound of his footfall began to come more distant, and with that I opened the door and quietly shut it behind her. "C'mon." I whispered leading her down a dark corridor, past Jimmy's open door. He was wearing his skull pajamas, arm under his head, as his body laid on top of the bed instead of tucked under the covers even though there was a distinct chill though the dorm. _

_ Once we were inside the room that Petey and I shared, I quietly shut the door behind me. Petey was away visiting his father for the holidays and I had my room to myself. It was nicer this way. I led her to my shabby bed, but not before grabbing an extra blanket off Peteys bed. _

_ "For you madam." I whispered into the dark. _

_ The pale moonlight seeped through the window, casting a glow on her alabaster skin. Large green-blue eyes looked up at me expectantly, holding the edge of innocence that someone her age shouldn't still exhibit. Long blonde hair cascaded around her shoulders, warmth radiating from here very being, this was Sophia. I quickly climbed into bed and patted the spot beside me. Clutching the blanket in her hands, she eased into bed beside me. The curve of her complimenting my narrow straight lines, it was as if it were meant to be. But how could it?_

_ Her hand nestled between us on my chest, as if she were checking my heartbeat to make sure that I was still alive. We had grown comfortable like this. Just the two of us being together. Whispering conversations that brought smiles to our faces, and sometimes laughs to our eyes. Such splendid secrets that we kept in the darkness of that night. Soft kisses and warm confessions. I held her hand tightly, almost as if she would run." I love you." I told her. I felt her reaction clearly._

_ Her body swayed against mine, grip tightening on me, eyes flying to my face to scan over it. I knew that she could see the truth evident there. The slight breathlessness wasn't from hoping that she'd believe a lie, it was hoping that she would believe the truth. I would never forget the words that came out of her mouth next. Words that I had longed to hear from someone, words that caressed me like no touch ever had, words that sung a song to my heart to make it respond in an echoed kind, words formed and uttered by a beautifully sculpted mouth._

_ "I love you too, Gary." _

_For that moment, everything was absolutely perfect. I held onto her as tightly as I possibly could. Kissing her temple and smoothing out the line of frustration that creased her brow as she slept. Keeping her close so that I could memorize every freckle that dotted her every line and plane, and I held her closer yet. Her heart beat echoed against mine, as if two lovers calling out for each other. This moment had to be true and right, because tomorrow I was going to ruin everything…_

Cold sweat covered my body and small whimper escaped my lips waking me from the dream. I had thought that I could save her, but in the end I had ended up hurting us both more than I would have ever thought. If only I hadn't been so selfish, but I _needed _to hear her tell me she loved me. All my life I wondered where I fit in, if anyone would ever except and understand me as I was. Even now, 17 years later, she was the one and only.

I had broken it off the very next day, claimed to have never meant those words that I said.

Was finding redemption even worth it? I had hurt the one person that I found I cared about, for what gain? My constantly running mind was trying to coax a bigger picture out of me that I wasn't grasping in my current state. Damn feelings, they were just another thing I didn't want to worry about right now, covered in a sheen of sweat, blankets tucked around my waist…I just wanted a dreamless sleep to find me.

5


	4. Chapter 4: Morning Meeting

**A/N Thank's for the follows/reviews/favs guys!:D Thank you Bullworth Townie, I appreciate the kind words of encouragement. This is the first that that I have /ever/ posted anywhere soo…it's different.**

**If you read this please review and tell me what you think, I love hearing feedback!**

**I have up until chapter 7 drafted up so you can expect this to be updated frequently. If you guys have any questions or anything feel free to PM me.**

Chapter 4: Morning Meeting

" Angie, how do you do this?" I groaned rubbing my temple. Numbers turned to squiggles, dancing in front of my vision. Mr. Hatterick had assigned nearly 100 problems yesterday and it was only the second week of school. I had come back to the dorm every night since the second day of his class with a big, fat, red "F" written promptly on my paper. It had gotten so bad that Mr. Hatterick had called me to him after class to give me a good talking to, his forehead creased his lips pulled into a snarl.

"You should spend more time doing your homework instead of gallivanting around the school with Mr. Smith."

I couldn't count how many times I had been 'guilty by association' except now Gary wasn't even an acquaintance. I hadn't even seen his face around since the first day, though I knew he was around. Sliding down back alleys, and slinking through town. Cool as winter's frigid frost but as sinister as a deadly snake; sometimes just as foreign as one. I had to remind myself of that often. I had to tell myself that whatever feeling he showed for me were fake. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. A fork-tongued boy with a flawed face as well as ways.

"I don't think you'll ever get that without help Soph, maybe you should ask Beatrice. She's always more than willing to help people out." Angie said and added, "I'd help, but I'm always sooo busy!"

Angie did have a point. I'd have preferred Angie's help as opposed to Beatrice's though. It wasn't that I minded the blonde haired girl with a high ponytail, thick rimmed glasses, covered in cold sores, suited in the traditional green skirt held up by suspenders. I was pretty sure that she'd written something about me in her diary, though, I wouldn't be the only one…and it probably wasn't nice.

I closed my book and shoved in it my bag without a second glance. It was already 1 a.m. as the luminescent face of the clock informed me. Angie was still pouring over her book by the time I had started to nod off. My head was pounding, like a forewarning for the migraine that was about to ravage my skull. Could the year get worse already?

The next morning as I headed into school Seth, one of the prefects, stopped me in the hall.

"You are wanted in Dr. Crabblesnitch's office." His voice was gruff and hard, as if he took this chore _very _seriously. I tried to hide my worry as I bounded up the stairs towards the open doorway.

"Excuse me, Mr. Crabble-" But I was immediately cut off with the pinched voice of Mrs. Danvers. Her lips were pursed, looking as old as her realtor get up. " You can go right in." The smell of old books encompassed room as I opened the door, the light of the window shining curtains that were pulled back blinded me temporarily. It was way too early to be called to the office.

Standing behind his desk was Dr. Crabblesnitch. His salt and pepper hair neat and immaculate, his brown coat seemed worn and faded but neatly pressed. I was sure my jaw went slack at the sight of my parents sitting primly to his left and none other than Gary Smith to his right.

" Just fucking great…" I uttered under my breath in amazement.

Nine o'clock in the morning and already in the principal's office, for GOD only knew what, that _**had **_to involve my parents and my now arch enemy.

"What was that Miss Scott?" Dr. Crabblesnitch drawled sternly.

"Uhh…nothing" I blurted hurriedly, taking a seat where he indicated, scooting my chair more towards my parents. My father didn't meet my gaze, but my mother did, her lips were almost as pursed as Mrs. Danvers was, if that was even possible. She didn't look too thrilled to see me at all.

"Miss Scott, it was brought to my attention by a member of the faculty that your grades have been drastically declining due to your extracurricular activities with Mr. Smith.." Dr. Crabblesnitch began.

Fuck. My. Life. Hatterick, that scheming jerk had decided to put this together then. I would have almost put money on it that he did it on a vendetta against Gary, and if another student also got in trouble then wasn't that just the icing on the cake?

"I thought you weren't going to be hanging around that boy after you cried all summer after he 'broke your heart'" My mother interjected.

"Ohh my Goddd!" I flushed crimson throwing my hands up, shaking my head. Nothing though could shake off the embarrassment that I felt. I didn't _even_ want to know what Gary thought of all this. He'd probably be smirking, taking a long stroke to the ego with that bit of detail.

" I can assure you all that Miss Scott and I haven't been participating in any 'extracurricular' activity, as you put it. I've been too busy to socialize lately, I'm afraid." Gary stated, cutting through the rest of my mother's disapproving noises.

" Yes well, I don't want you two to neglect your work. I just wanted to inform your parents Miss Scott about your grades. Mr. Smith, I couldn't find any contact information for your mother and I doubted your father could get a release in time for the meeting. Your grandfather, your guardian, chose not to come."

As soon as the words left Dr. Crabblesnitch's mouth, I wished he would have choked on them. The books that were held so tightly in my grasp out of embarrassment, now landed on the ground with an audible thud. The sound echoed off the hollow walls, creating an intense echo. That was cold, so cold.

As much as I couldn't stand Gary, that went too far. The saying "You wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy." And it was true. Gary had enough suffering knowing that his mother had abandoned him growing up, and that his father was an abusive was a drunk. Then to top it all off, his sole guardian was a man that had let him fall through the cracks so many times it as appalling. It was as if he refused to accept Gary's mere existence.

All eyes were on me as I bent to scoop my books up. Gary's eyes looked calm and indifferent. My mother cleared her throat and stood up. She reached out to clasp Dr. Crabblesnitch's hand in hers.

"Thank you for informing us of the situation Doctor, We'll have a talk with her." She said laying her hand on my shoulder. Well shit. I inwardly groaned at the prospect of what I knew was to come as soon as we were near the gates.

"May I go now?" Gary asked to which he was allowed. He moved past me, shoulder brushing against mine. Sparks sounded in my stomach and my heart did a tell-all flutter. Oh, no, not that. It was like my body didn't get the memo my mind had sent out.

It didn't understand the complexity of deep rooted hurt that he had caused, or the deep winding level of manipulation he had unleashed upon me. It just came alive remembering the warm hugs from sturdy arms, gentle kisses by a soft mouth, a lean stomach to lie my head on, a solid hand to hold.

Every atom in me seemed to reach for him, calling for a dear love and an old friend while my mind flashed an outstanding warning sign that the rest of me seemed oblivious to. I had to take a breath to get a grip. I had to remind myself that, that wasn't my Gary anymore, or better yet, there never was a 'my' Gary. There was _a_ Gary that only knew how to manipulate people, and he was as dark and bleak as the sea in the winter at midnight.

As soon as we reached the gates, as expected, my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I thought you knew better Sophia. If you don't shape up your grades, I'll have no choice but to send you to St. Mordreds."

Immediate terror filled me. As much as I didn't really care to be at Bullworth, it was like a heaven compared to St. Mordreds. The all-girl Catholic school was filled with mean, nasty, and extremely catty girls and very stern, bitter, nuns.

I nodded to show her that I understood. My father stood stoically to her side, head nodding in time with mine. My mother's word might as well be law.

"We'll be back if things persist. We love you Sophia Medline, and it's for the best." She said and with that, they were gone.

The bell rang and there was an outpour of students heading in all directions, some to get to class early, others off to town to grab something to eat for lunch, and some hanging around the school.

If I wanted to avoid going to St. Mordreds there was only one thing that I could do. Setting off to the library, I had someone in mind. Beatrice Trudeau was busy having a discussion with Ernest about molecular density. Her voice had taken on an excited whine.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt…"

"Sophia." Beatrice said, eyeing me over interestedly.

"I need a tutor in math, I'm failing with 13 "F"'s. I sheepishly admitted. My pride was like an embarrassed dog with its tail between its legs; First, the incident with Gary and my parents, and now having to fight to be able to stay at Bullworth.

"Uhmm…I don't tutor people that are friends with Gary, sorry!" She bubbled, leading Ernest away with more conversation about molecules. Of all the luck, of course. My relationship with Gary had cost me so much more than my heart, I was starting to realize. The teachers were irked at me, the nerd's wouldn't even help me…who else was holding me accountable?

7


	5. Chapter 5: Man On A Mission

**A/N By the way, I know that Hatterick and Burton were fired in the game, but they were such key people the games that I decided to keep them in ( after all, in the game Burton goes on teaching even after he's fired xD )**

**Bullworth Townie, you are like my favorite person ever right now! I always look forward to your reviews! Some OC annoy me but I mostly write OC's so..I have to try and make them relatable and not perfect ( I think that's what makes them boring most the time D: )**

**There might be quite a bit of consistency things that are wrong, but they shall all eventually be edited and reworked :3**

**Thanks everyone for the reviews/favs/follows~**

_Gary_

Chapter 5: Man on a Mission

I had just started to round towards the school from the gym when I watched Sophia come rushing out of the library looking extremely flustered. This morning had been interesting to say the least.

I had known immediately who the man and woman as that Dr. Crabblesnitch had brought in.. The woman looked so much like Sophia and the man's eyes were the very shade. Though, why I was there, I could only imagine. The most surprising part had been Sophia's reaction to ol' Crabblesnitch's jibes at my lack of parentals.

I had been watching her form the corner of my eyes. Her face flushed and her small hands bunched into fist. She seemed visibly angry at his comment, though I couldn't exactly determine why. It was nothing more than a bitter memory for her now I'd suppose.

Petey had told me that she was doing a lot better. Every so often he'd come to me with the latest stories of her, I'd take them and store them away in my mind. Somehow I'd make it right. Though, at this point, I couldn't be sure how to achieve that other than keeping my distance.

That was proving to be easier said than done. It was like she emerged from my every waking dream, a full eyed siren singing me into the ensnaring edges of jagged rocks. I couldn't see her, and yet I wanted to. I couldn't as in, it was against everything. I had put the distance between us and her arms would no longer be a welcoming sanctuary. I was a stranger turned out in the freezing rain, shut out and ran down.

I couldn't deny myself the want to see her. It was a kind of sadistic pain that ripped my heart wide open to bleed everywhere in my silent remorse. I couldn't help but feel the emptiness that filled me. I was a hollowed out version of myself. I deserved this. I always deserved every last thing that had ever happened to me.

"-And you wouldn't believe what she said to me Jimmy!" Sophia's outraged voice wavered, carrying above the voices of all the passersby as the second bell rang.

" She said she wouldn't tutor me because I was friends with _Gary_! So now it looks like I'll be at St. Mordreds before next semester."

My full attention was peaked. It wasn't just the mention of my name, but the mention of St. Mordreds. The amount of stories that Sophia had shared with me were as incomparable as the horrors. Once again, she was in jeopardy because of me.

" Do you want me to go-" Jimmy began

" No, don't even bother Jimmy. I'm tired of all this Gary drama. I haven't really talked to him in a year and if people can't realize that, that feeble attempt at a relationship is dead and in the ground, that's just fine by me because I just don't care anymore."

The click of her flats were coming closer to me. I ducked quickly down into the bushes as I watched her walk away. Fresh tears spotted her cheeks, her face set in an angry scowl…but those eyes, oh those eyes. Glittering like uncut diamonds, they were a showcase for her emotions. Hurt and pain were displayed at the forefront.

Before I knew it, I was already halfway to the library. There had to be some way to clear my conscious, I couldn't have her on my mind, but those eyes would visit me in my sleep unless I fixed this.

The smell of books was appealing, more so than the layer of dust that coated everything in there, from the shelves to the light fixture. Ernest was sitting with his nose behind a book, the slick material of a magazine sticking just within sight. His shrew like face appeared like a mole heading to the surface, eyes screwing up as if he was adjusting to the light. It only took a second but the moment my hand touched the smooth corner of his magazine, I snatched it away.

" H-h-hey!" He stuttered in protest.

" Quiet in the library!" I voice hissed.

" Why, what do we have here?" I asked looking at the confiscated material. I couldn't stifle my chuckle.

" Does your mother know you've been skimping on your studies of history and geometry to be studying…anatomy?" My eyebrows rose pointedly.

" Gary! You sociopath! Gimme that back, and don't you dare bring mummy dearest into this!"

" I'll give this back to you on one condition, you tutor Sophia Scott in math."

" I can't Gary! Beatrice-"

"You can't what, Ernest? Be a decent human being and quit reading this filth?"

"Gaaaarry!" His whimpers were pleading, like a mewling kitten.

"You aren't getting this back." I tucked the magazine under my arm and headed for the door.

3….I knew the little twerp would bend.

2…it was only a matter of time.

1…pathetic snot rags usually did.

" Gary wait! I'll go ask Beatrice if she can help.

Ding, ding, ding we had a winner. That was the answer I liked to hear. A few seconds later Ernest came with a disheveled blonde with cold sores in tow.

" Yes? Can I help you?"

" Yeah, you can tutor Sophia."

"Well…I'd like too, but I'm really busy, I'm afraid. Most of my time is set aside trying to avoid Mandy…that and attending to my diary."

Of course. I wasn't surprised that she would want to put Mandy centerfold in her list of disturbances to get rid of. It was also blatantly obvious that she wanted me to take care of her 'little problem' as it were.

" Get Mandy out of your way and you'll tutor Sophia, basically." I stated.

" If Mandy were indisposed of, I suppose I could clear up some of my time to help her pass math."

" Good, I'll be seeing you around the Girls Dorm at 10:30 tonight sharp. Don't be late." I called over my shoulder. If it was one thing that did my mind good, it was this. Like Ivy climbing and winding itself up a building's trellis, the framework of my plans took shape. Pride and triumph surged along with pure energy through my system. There was such a thrill in twisting and captivating attention and authority of something or _someone _else.

Finding Mandy was relatively easy, as usual, her and her whole clique were in the gym.

Suddenly my whole plan seemed to slightly unhinge when I saw Sophia standing on the court. Blonde hair pulled in a ponytail, toying with her green shorts shyly, arms crossed over her yellow Bullworth gym shirt. It reminded me of better times.

_The second bell had already rung that signified class starting. I wasn't worried, I knew that Ms. Phillips knew that I was always late showing up for class anyways. I didn't have to wait too long before Sophia came bounding up to me._

_" Hey Soph." I gave her a crooked half grin as I leaned against the side of the bleachers._

_" Hey Gar!" Her eyes shinned in happiness, I could revel in that thought for a very long time._

_I reached forward and yanked a piece of her hair, so silky as I let it fall through my fingers. I pulled back a fraction whenever a frown appeared on her face._

_" Troy Miller pulled my hair today."_

" _Oh did he? Don't you worry about him, I'll take care of that."_

_Her giggle was cute as her fingers straightened up my rumpled collar._

_" You are like a loaded gun Gary Smith."_

_My fingers rested along her hip, the prominent bone leading into a gracefully sloped back. Such delicate little bones and features, and what I wouldn't do to make sure that not a soul ever damaged her mind, body, or soul or so help me God, I'd break every bone in their body after leading them through a mental hell._

_" You don't always have to protect me Gar."_

" _If I don't, who will Soph? Petey?"_

_Another fit of giggles._

_" Oh, I forgot to ask you. Do you want to go to town with me tonight? I forgot to pick up the food from the grocery store to give to that man behind the school-"_

" _Please tell me you aren't feeding him again?" I groaned._

" _Gaary, he needs food though!" She whined._

_" He's a drunk Soph! He knows all kinds of fighting moves, he could be very dangerous-"_

_" Are you coming or not?"_

_There was a second of silence before I finally caved in._

" _Fine, but you to let me go with you to give it to give it to him. I don't want anything to happen to you Soph, I couldn't live with myself." I wrapped my arms around her._

_No one saw this side. No one knew it existed because I didn't let a soul even guess upon it. Sophia Madeline Scott was the only person that I let see if because I saw it in her eyes, the acceptance, love, a place to go free of judgment._

_To the world she might just seem like everybody else. To me, I saw as much as her as she saw of me. Her tenderness, her compassion, how she went out of her way to make everyone feel wanted._

_I pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before her hair above her temple._

_"I know you wouldn't" She said leaning up to give me a kiss, her lips always lingering, anticipating more. More I didn't trust myself to give. You didn't get rough with your fine China._

_" Hey! Kid get outta here would ya?" Mr. Burton yelled causing her to flinch._

_" Don't let Mr. Burton get to you Soph."_

Watch out folks, Gary Smith is a man on a fucking mission, and people better believe me.


	6. Chapter 6: Attack Of Moby Dick

**A/N Even though I said I'd only do one update a day, I'm going to put this one up ( and unlike most the other chapters, my boyfriend hasn't edited the grammar xD yet, my career goal is an editor, it's not that I'm bad at editing really, it's just that I work 40 hours a week so sometimes I'm just too tired to edit as properly as I can D: So for that I apologize)**

** Bullworth Townie, noooo :3 You aren't bothering me, it's nice to have people to fangirl over things with! I'm so glad that you like the story :') I'm doing my best to keep up with it. It should be at or around 40 chapters by the time it's all finished! You might just have to hound me to update occasionally xD but usually I do at around 3 a.m. in the morning after work (CST, U.S Time) I too love the game, I was playing it all last week :D **

Chapter 6: Attack of Moby Dick

The weather was staring to take on a cool chill that drafted through-out the entire school. Everyone seemed to be donning light jackets, the leaves on the trees started to alternate colors of orange, yellow, and red. The only thing that could curve my good mood was the imminent threat of St. Mordreds.

I began to walk aimlessly around the school, enjoying the weather. I subconsciously grabbed a book that was in the outstretched hand of some kid with a white grimy shirt as he held it above one of the younger students head. I handed it back to the student and rolled my eyes at the guy that was a grade higher than me. He only grunted and proceeded to talk away.

"Sophia!" Behind a stack of books, all I could see was long gangly legs with uneven socks. I slid half the stack of books easily into my arms.

"Beatrice?"

"I'm free tonight to tutor you if you'd like we could work in my room!"

"But…you said-"

"Never mind what I said, I was wrong. Gary isn't so bad, sure he's lying, manipulative, slimier than a snake, boorish, creepy, sociopathic, intolerable, constantly taunting, scarred, hideous, shady, revolting, mean-spirited, unfair, totally-"

"You had a point when you started out…?" I reminded her with as I cleared my throat, eyebrows rising.

"Oh, right. You can't always trust what you perceive to be truth without proper study. Perhaps Gary is a misunderstood and quite clearly in need of something or someone, or you know; he really is a bloody scab and a sociopath. Anyways, you always have to appreciate a great mind, regardless of good or evil intentions it's used for."

I wondered if this was the kind of thing that she wrote in her diary. How uncomfortable.

"Well, I'm glad you had a change of heart, I'll see you tonight-"

"Oh uhm, could you help me carry these to the library?"

Obliging, I followed her awkward gait down the path towards the library, through the thicket of students that were barreling past.

"Oh look Algie, it's a female Homosapien." Fatty squeaked as we approached. It took some strength not to shake my head. Petey had been so right. I would have greeted him back, but I just chose to pretend I didn't hear since I didn't know what Fatty's real name anyway.

As soon as I laid the books on the counter, the library doors came crashing open.

"You-you bitch!" Before I had time to react a book came flying across the room and hit me upside the head with an almost scary precision. The corners of my eyes welled up sending my vision swimming.

"MISS WILES!" The outraged voice of the librarian brought me to. Goddamn Mandy. She was a sight for sure, her face mashed together in disdain, her short skirt off kilter, and her hair slightly falling from its hold, ribbon dangling loosely. Lo and behold! There was a book in her hands. Dear God, was that Moby Dick?

Before I had time to react, the book came hurling at me and met its mark right between my eyes... I didn't feel the pain at first, but I did have the distinct taste of copper in my mouth.

"Oh. My. Goodness!"

"Is she dead?  
" I hope so!"

"MS WILES."

I tried to sit up but it took some effort. Blood was running from my nose and mouth. My nose felt like it was definitely broken, judging by the persistent throb it had taken on.

"The hell was that for?" I yelled.

"Don't _even _play dumb! Your stupid boyfriend has been at me for three days! First itching powder, blackmail, telling me Ted cheated on me…I figured the reason he's so pissed is because you two had a falling out. Couldn't stay faithful, hmm? It was you wasn't it? You and Ted!"

I managed to get up and stare at her.

"Huh? Seriously, I don't have a boyfriend and haven't since last year so I don't know what you're talking about. Secondly, Ted, really? He's a jock and he's yours, so I'm not interested.

Doubt flashed over her features.

"You and that weird boy Gary aren't dating? I just thought you and Ted because he always suggests you be on the team…"

Gary. This was starting to become a hazardous phase. What was he doing? How did he manage to get me in this amount of trouble was beyond me…and was this about Ted?

"Ms. Trudeau, you leave. Ms. Wiles and Ms. Scott, you'll sit here until last bell and if you behave yourself I'll let you go to your dorms. Oh, and Ms. Trudeau, fetch that boy Gary Smith, I believe that's who the girls were referring to."

Man, my parents were really going to have a fit whenever all this got back around to them. The librarian handed me a handkerchief to hold onto my nose, blood still gushing and I was starting to make a mess of my shirt as well as the table.

"You wanted to see me-"

It was unfair how that smooth voice made me feel so small when it once made me feel like everything. Gary's eyes widened whenever they chanced on me. He crossed the room before I even had time to think.

"What did you do, Soph?"

He moved aside the handkerchief, dabbing at some of the blood. His touch exceedingly tender, his worn hands tilting my chin back to help diffuse the profuse bleeding. It was so wrong to hurt for this, to be sick to my stomach praying this wasn't a fluke. I felt like my heart was threatening to pound out of my chest.

We were no longer in the library under prying eyes, but safe and tucked away like we used to be at the pier. The waves lapping at the shores, and not a thing in the world could have gotten to us. His fingers slowly traced the contours of my lips.

"You're going to have a scar." His voice deadpanned.

I looked up at him, fear in my eyes. Would it matter to him that I was flawed, scarred? I saw the answer as clear a sun shining day in the middle of summer. It wouldn't

matter to him, never. I let out a sigh of relief, and then reality decided to rear its ugly head. Gary halted, eyes flashing as he recoiled away from me in horror.

What the hell had just transpired? Was that some kind of act? That seemed so much like 'my' Gary…the Gary that apparently never was. Jesus Christ.

"Well, if you're done checking Ms. Scott's injuries…take a seat; you'll be here for a while. You three will all be here until I dismiss you. I have to go to a meeting, then I have to help Ms. Phillips find a book but I'll be back soon. You'd best not leave; I'll have the prefect watch the door."

"You two aren't dating…mhmm." Mandy said, arms crossed, as soon as the door was closed.

"What did you do to her Mandy?"

"What does it look like? I threw a book at her face numb nuts-"

"-It was Moby Dick I'm sure" I chimed in.

"Mandy. I get you were trying to 'hurt me' but honestly, you could have done better. Next time try hurting _me_. That's where my feelings lie."

Even though I had been thinking it, the words stung and my nose still hurt like crazy. I winced whenever Gary stood up after his announcement and walked out the door. Finality rang in the air. He didn't give two shits. Watching him walk out on me had become something I knew that I should have become accustomed to, and I doubted that a small part of me ever would.

"Well, I guess maybe you aren't." Mandy giggled.

"She the fuck up Mandy, I'll punch your face in."

"Now, now children. There will be no more fighting. Daddy's back." Gary said sliding back into the room, like a soundless shadow. From his pocket he removed a piece of cloth and then dumped ice onto it from a cup in his right hand.

"Here, ice curtsey of that dumb prefect. Now, put this one your nose." He held it out to me and I pretended not to notice.

"Sophia. Now."

Who did Gary Smith think he was after all? I chanced a glance at his face, as stark and brooding as it ever was. There was just a twinge of something else, though I couldn't pin it.

"Sophia Madeline!"

There was a slight bit of pleading in his voice that made me oblige. The ice was heaven; it numbed my nose enough so that the pain was able to subside slightly.

"Thanks asshole, even if this was entirely all your fault."

His voice was almost so quiet I almost didn't hear him say "I know."


	7. Chapter 7: Confrontation

**A/N Thank you **AsgardianTank59 and HopeAndHeartache**!:D I think you guys will enjoy how the story ends up! :3 **

**Bullworth Townie, I hate Mandy too xD She's the only girl at the school that I will actually hit x) I mainly get into fights with Dan Wilson :I **

**I can't stand him at all D: **

**I hope you guys like this chapter, it was one of my favorites to write!:D There will be more tomorrow as promise because I already got chapter 8 finished ;D **

**Thanks everyone for the reviews/favs/follows! Keep 'em coming they literally make my day ( I get notifications of all reviews/follows/favs on my phone, so at work I'm /hand writing/ out each chapter and when I get a notification I literally smile like an idiot and get back to writing xD Thanks guys, seriously!)**

**As for the story name, it means " Pride and Fury" apparently xD My boyfriend came up with the title and he informed me that it meant " Love and Madness" **

Chapter 7: Confrontation

_Gary_

I couldn't wait until the second the librarian came back an hour later to dismiss us. I was the first person out of the door. The distance between the library and the dorm seemed to drastically close as I darted off towards it, only catching my breath when I was safe inside my room.

I couldn't believe my iron tight grip on my control had faltered. Sophia couldn't see that kind of weakness ever again, I'd just hurt her all over again. Seeing her like that though…

Her face was even more pallid than usual, blood…and the blood. It was everywhere. I ran a hand through my hair disarraying it. If I kept going at this rate, I was going to pace a hole into the floor.

That moment back there…when I had told her that she'd have a scar. Her eyes said it all. She was asking for my acceptance. _She _was asking for _my _acceptance. Her scar a little thing that would barely noticeable, running from the corner of her mouth…mine an ugly reminder boldly embedded into my face…yet…she wanted acceptance from me.

Jesus and I had given it to her. She saw it. She felt it. I'd be damned if there was ever a day that I didn't give that to her at least. Even when she was angry at me, hated me even, she still had given me that look…

"Get yourself together goddammit." I barked at myself.

"You okay, Gary?" From the doorway came a small voice.

"Yes, Petey."

_You know, they don't know nothing about redemption. They don't know nothing about recovery._

"You sure? You look sick."

Sick was an understatement. I felt positively cancerous. My body was a lecherous pit of poison. Slowly but surely I'd corrode everything and everyone around me. Disgust worked its way into the back of my throat and I wanted to tear myself to pieces. No more infestation, no more could I allow the infection to spread. I would become someone I didn't want to.

Last year I had been mildly in charge of it. Enough to try to save Sophia the heartbreak of seeing me crumble and fall. Everything I had done, I tried to keep from her. She knew, she always did.

_The school would be mine, oh yes it would. I'd own this empire, all the subjects, them all. Sweet tyranny in my grasp. I would finally be able to call someplace my own. My home._

_ "Gary…" Sophia's voice drifted through the open door. I turned toward her and she flinched, as if taken aback by something in my eyes._

_ "Soph." letting her name convey all that I felt for her. She stood there in her pleated skirt and socks that were starting to bunch, her hair twisted between two of her fingers. Worry and upset twisted her delicate features. She walked towards me hesitantly._

_ "Why Gary? Jimmy's been getting beat up everywhere he goes." Of course Jimmy would run his mouth on about all the things that "mean Gary Smith" had done to him. To Sophia no less, knowing how to get to me no doubt._

_ "Don't worry about Jimmy, Soph. He's a Neanderthal. Have you seen his face, it looks like a gorilla." I mimed, expecting to get a laugh._

"_I like Jimmy, Gary."_

_ A cutting edge of jealousy twisted in my stomach. Jimmy, brutal, dumb, easy to jerk around. Less like a human and more like a lapdog, eating out of the palm of my hand. Could she pick him over me?_

_ "Define 'like' Sophia. Like as a best girlfriend? 'Like' as a person or 'like' as in you can't wait to jump in his bed."_

_ Her look of horror and disgust was just as comical as it was pleasing._

_ "That's sick Gary. He's cool. Can you, you know, not try and get him killed?"_

_ Such conflict. I hadn't told Sophia my feelings about her yet, but tonight I was going to take her to the observatory. I wanted her to know how I felt, but I was still battling with those feelings and how to properly display them._

_ I picked her up and swiveled her around, her arms clutching my shoulders tightly._

_ "C'mon Gar!" _

_I put her down with a bright smile._

_ "So Jimmy boy has been telling on me, eh?"_

"_Nope!"_

"_Petey, when I find that little-"_

"_It wasn't anybody Gar, I know you."_

With that, I _did _throw up. The sound of Peteys' worried chirps proceeded to get louder and louder.

"G-g-gary"

"Nausea pills Pete. Under my shirts in the drawer." I commanded hoarsely. Within a few minutes a Beam cola and two pills were being stuffed under my nose as I lie against my bed, bracing against the post. Once I got the pills down I stood up, fighting off the vertigo.

"Did you hear Petey? Your friend Sophia just got into a hair pulling match with Mandy. I guess Ted was just offering to pick up Sophia's books after Mandy accidently tripped her- Hey what's wrong with-"

Before Lucky could finish his sentence, I pushed past him despite avid protests from Petey.

"Mandy. Where is she?" I demanded a small boy with red converses that was running around.

"Uhm, in cheerleading practice I-I think." The kid looked absolutely terrified of me, eyes focusing in on my scar.

"Thanks kid." Exactly where he said she was. She, Christy, and Angie were practicing on the field. I stepped out onto the fresh cut grass.

"You. Come here." I motioned to Mandy.

"What do you want Gary Smith, you loon."

"Listen up; you'd better leave Sophia alone." My tone was like ice.

"Or what? You'll hit a girl?"

"I don't have to hit you to hurt you." She took a step back. My tone was matter-of-fact and deadly.

"What will you do..?" Her face was ugly when it was set in a grimace.

"You do know there are still pictures of you right? Like the ones posted everywhere last year, and the ones of you and Dan…can't let Ted see those can we? That's just the tip of the iceberg, I can assure you."

"Ted will beat you up!" her bottom lip quivered.

"And I have Russell on my side. He'll beat Ted up for trying to touch me. I'm trying to make this real easy on you princess. Leave Sophia alone and you won't have to worry about me." I told her, bluffing about the Russell part, but the rest was very true.

"I want those pictures."

"Leave Sophia the fuck alone and I won't show anyone. Your call."

"Fine!"

I nodded and saw a few angry jocks approaching as if angered at the sight of me standing in the middle of the territory with their golden girl. It was like they understood how big of a threat I was.

"Let this be a warning, if I see you so much as look at Sophia the wrong way…I will find a way to get you. You ALL have baggage. I see everything, I hear everything, and I know how to get to you."

With that I stalked off, feeling incredibly woozy. Bed. I needed bed and I needed it now. My knees wobbled and before I knew it, I had hit the dirt. My body was jerking fervently. I squeezed my eyes shut.

Not here. Not now…why? There was a weight that lifted me up in three heavy heaves. I prepared myself for the worst. I was beyond the ability to fight, whoever had me, I was at their mercy.

"You gunna throw up?"

Sophia? I cracked one eye open as she pulled one of the outdoor trashcans closer. It smelled like Cafeteria food and that alone brought my stomach contents into my throat and I began retching.

Cool hands brushed my hair away from my sweaty forehead. Patting my back comfortingly as possible, riding out the waves of hypersensitive queasiness with me, I looked up at her.

"Done now? I'll call Petey to get you back to your room."

I wanted her to go too, her hand resting on my blistering forehead, and her hand still on my back. I wanted that for comfort as I slept. I would be reduced to begging if I didn't snap out of it.

"Why did you help me?" I croaked, throat feeling like hell.

"It was payback for you helping me with my nose. Don't mention it, no seriously, don't mention it. I still think you're an asshole."

My heart sunk a little at how irritated her words were. We were even now, an eye for an eye, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, kind of deal. As pitiful as it was, I was glad to have this.

"There you go Petey, I'll catch you later."

Sophia turned on her heels, skirt billowing around her, and walked away.

"You're lucky she found you Gary and not somebody else."

"Just shut up femme-boy and get me back to the goddamn dorm before I puke somewhere else." I snapped.

Jesus, he was right though. I was hated by nearly every person at the damned school, but for the most part I was elusive. How elusive could you be broken down in the middle of the school yard?

Sophia had found me though. More yet, she helped me. Part of me wondered if she missed me, or missed "us". The word sent a chill up my spine. "Us". The beauty and the beast. I was a beast; I was just like my father.

Another gut wrenching revelation that triggered another bought of bile.

"Oh my God! Sophia was right, you do have a disease! I hope you make it past two years Gary!" Christy yelled from behind me.


	8. Chapter 8: Halloween

Chapter 8: Halloween

Halloween day and all anyone could talk about besides their nightly planned shenanigans was Gary's threats. I couldn't help but blush an unruly shade of red at all the attention. It had been two days ago, and Angie recalled the story to me a hundred times.

"He was like a deranged prince fighting for you honor! He put everyone in their place! Mandy was _crying_!"

"That's funny, I heard from Christy that he threatened to go Godfather and beat everyone up with a mob that he had. Oh, and that he's not really fighting for my 'honor', but for money and after he was done threatening he asked her out on a date."

Angie giggled as she tossed a pillow at me, it barely missed. After that the both of us started to get dressed. Angie chose to go as a witch since she had found an awesome mask. I picked out a Tinkerbelle costume.

"You look adorable! Like a bunny." Angie conceded.

"Thanks Ang. Nice mask, that'll scare the kids."

Halloween was the perfect time of year at Bullworth. There were no teachers, no prefects, nothing. That also meant that it was very dangerous. Pranks galore, and more often than naught, someone was getting hurt.

"Awwww Petey!" I giggled running to Petey who was dressed as a monkey. It was better than the bunny…but not by much.

"Gary pick that out for you?"

He gave me a look that clearly said what-do-you-think.

Jimmy and Zoe were dressed as Sid and Nancy, Jimmy's hair looked stark black, artificially done. Zoe's once red hair was transformed blonde for the occasion. Both were decked out in punk clothes, Zoe even more so than usual. As a small collective unit we ventured out into the night, laughing at all the pranks that were bubbling around us.

Angie was chasing little kids that had managed to escape the teachers, cackling heinously. Algie was crying as everyone that ran by him gave him a complimentary kick curtsey of a jock's "Kick Me" sign. Petey caught a few stray eggs to the back and chest that greasers were throwing at preppies.

"How come you aren't with Gary?" I asked him, hanging back to walk side by side with Petey, out footsteps falling in line.

"I was waiting on him to get dressed up, but he never did. I don't think he's going to this year." He shrugged.

This had been one of Gary's favorite time of the year. The tormenting and the pranks were right up his alley. He loved the over the top outfits and the bossing Petey around because he knew that he'd always listen, too.

I mentally kicked myself; it was stupid to think about him when I should be having fun. It was harder not to find him and question him about why he had stood up for me to Mandy and gave the school such a chilling warning. Could Gary Smith possibly have a conscious?

He probably was sick. The image of Gary lying in his bed made me yearn to be there. Why was it getting harder and harder to just forget about him and let it all go?

My thoughts were cut short as Jimmy started screaming.

"Ruuuuuuun!"

I could see brightly colored sparks, and immediately I knew that someone had lit a Volcano 3000. We had to move, and _fast._ After one of their pretty little light shows, an explosion ensued.

Amidst the laugher and screams, I hadn't realized that I had lost the group. Alone, I now stood near the abandoned school bus in the near pitch dark.

The cool night air and almost eerie quietness did not assuage my fears.

"J-jimmy Petey? Zoe?" I called.

There was a long moment of silence before I heard heavy footfall. A loud breath of relief escaped me, thinking that the others had come back for me.

I was wrong, four large masked figures approached.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here, boys."

All the blood ran from my face. This wasn't right.

"Do you know who we are" One of the guys asked, in a ninja mask.

"I d-d-dunno." I admitted, looking around for a quick escape.

"Don't even think about running away." One of them chided, a deadly threat, sounding on his lips.

"Your precious Gary isn't here to save you."

"Yeah, you're gunna get it for fucking with Mandy."

A hard hand slapped me across the face, causing my head to rock back from the contact. Another quickly followed the first. I bit back a cry. My cheek throbbed painfully. One of their arms wound around me and held me still as I began to struggle.

"Slap her again! Bite here maybe, I don't know! We need to send word to that sociopath that no one's listening to him! He's just a crazy loon."

I flinched, aware of how much skin was exposed, even though I was wearing tights.

" Maybe she should give me a kiss!" one of them suggested.

"Wouldn't that make the loon so angry?" One cackled.

I bit my lower lip and prayed they'd just let me go. All my struggling was useless; they were so much bigger than me. My body had already begun to ache from the tight hold they had on my arms and sides, making it to where I could barely breathe.

"You're disgusting…you'd want to kiss someone who's made out with _Gary Smith._ They've probably even hooked up."

My face felt hot. Gary and I had never made out let alone hooked up. The cavalier way the masked perpetrator made my stomach bottom out. They could think what they wanted, as long as it meant they left me alone. Hot tears burned down my face.

More tears welled in my eyes and burst forward painfully as a large hand clamped over my mouth. I tried kicking out but that only earned me another slap, this time way harder. I gave up and let myself go limp, so close to losing conscious.

_The pier was freezing and I was shaking in my windbreakers that I had over my mandatory vest. Gary was sitting beside me, arm draped around me. I hadn't told Gary the extent of how I felt, and I knew that I didn't have to._

_ I leaned down and kissed him, only to brake for another. He sat up and cupped my face in his hands, barely kissing my forehead._

_"Gary?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Do you think I'm…uh, attractive?"_

_ His laughter filled the silence. It was a light and carefree sound…but I was mortified._

_ "Yes. Why would you even have to ask?"_

_ "Well…" I began fidgeting with my fingers. His hand enveloped mine and he laid it on his leg, palm up, and his middle finger stroking my palm._

_ "I just don't trust myself with you sometimes Soph. It's like a bull in a china shop. You're just so….and I'm so…"_

_ His eyes grew dark as if he wanted to say something so extremely dirty and horrific that he couldn't even spit it out._

_ "I think you're a good person Gary. You've had a shitty past, but…you can't let that deter you from using this-"_

_ I patted his head. Soft locks of dark chocolate brown hair brushed against my hand, my fingers barely touching the fade of the cut._

_ "To work with this-"_

_Next I patted his chest, and he caught my hand in his._

_ "You think so Soph, but I don't know if that's as easy as you'd think. I got bad genetic, y'know."_

_ I slid my hand into his other one easily and leaned up to kiss him on the temple. I always hated seeing him so self-destructive. It was like Gary was a magnet and those feelings were metal. How could he not see that he was exhibiting such good traits taking care of me? He always looked after me, always made sure that I was taken care of, he was always right there._

I sent a silent prayer up in the air. Someone please find me.


	9. Chapter 9: Masked Hero

**A/N I'm really sorry about the delay and lack of notice D: I'm really sick today and so is everyone else in my family, but I didn't want you guys to go without a chapter ( it was my goal to post at least a chapter a day!)**

**Thank you all for the reviews/follows/ favs :3 It's so awesome! I hope you guys like this, to be honest, I wasn't quite pleased with it, but I'm hoping the next chapter is better!**

Chapter 9: Masked Hero

Of all days to still feel like hell, it had to be my favorite. I knew I should be out there, playing pranks on people like I did at Happy Volts to pass the time. That place was a joke. It was all electroshock therapy and cells filled with crazy, and didn't I just fit right in?

Pushing those thoughts away, I grimaced. I had even got Petey and myself a costume. Something that fit how I was feeling... Perched upon my dresser now was a large mask, teeth large and wild, coarse brown hair sticking out, only bright yellow eyes shone through the tangles along with a elongated muzzle.

Well hell, if I had it, might as well go out and attempt to have fun at least. I could make fun of Petey in his rather childish costume, Jimmy would probably pick something boorish, and Sophia something very feminine. Last year she had been a princess, her costume looking so different in contrast to my Nazi Regime uniform.

I pulled the thick wooly outfit on and then the mask. I was absolutely terrifying. The cool air was like a wake-up call to my lungs. A group of younger students started screaming as they caught sight of me. I grinned from underneath the mask. Perfect.

The spirits of everyone were high as I prowled through the thicket, looking for a certain monkey to harass. .I knew I shouldn't, he probably was with Sophia.

There was no way that I could hang out with that group ever again. Jimmy was preoccupied with his little punk harlot and I highly doubted he'd want my company. Sophia would be attempting to protect Petey from the onslaught of everything that was going down no doubt.

Here I was, stalking around the night, trying to think of someone to prank. Who better than Jimmy Hopkins himself? Smashing. Even though his hair was black, I could recognize that freckled gorilla face anywhere. He wasn't alone; Petey and Zoe were with him. No Sophia.

"I'll bet she's with Angie." Jimmy spoke as if hearing my thoughts. Petey only shrugged and looked nervous. Going on a whim, I picked up a rock and tossed it at Jimmy.

"Hey as face!" He yelled chasing after me, leaving the others behind.

Smiling deliriously, I led him through the greaser's area of the school. Tools were everywhere. I put my hand up as I ran by, knocking things off the shelf to stall him.

"There's a bitch ass kid, coming in here to fight you! You'd better get ready." I informed the old hobo that lived behind the old bus as I hurriedly shut the gate behind me.

"What's that you say?" he said standing up. As soon as Jimmy opened the door, he was met with a fist to the face. I couldn't help the gale of laughter that escaped my lips.

"You're dead kid!" Jimmy was yelling after me. Too quick for him, I evaded his grab. At the last second the old hobo caught him again.

"I'll teach you a lesson, son!" The gate closed behind me and I made my way through the abandoned bus, most windows were knocked out thanks to Jimmy's target practice last year. The seats were uprooted and the upholstery torn up.

Hushed voices caught my attention. A cluster of masked thugs were huddled together. Poor schmuck that received the brunt of that. Perhaps I'd have some fun?

I slid the bus door open, looked at the fool moon and let out a gut wrenching howl, my call to the tonight. The group slightly parted, eyes focusing on me, enough for me to see a tiny Tinkerbelle sobbing between them all.

Recognition tugged at my brain and immediately my eyes scanned her. She looked worn and slightly dirty, hair out of place, face puffy and red from crying and a very visible hand print across her cheek. Something in me snapped.

The fragile bond between sanity and the insane broke, and my control shattered like a pane of glass. The man that was left in me morphed into the beast I was afraid of being; only death's sweet lament would stop me now.

Now fully emerged in my new skin, my outfit no longer a costume seemingly, a blind rage tore through me and without hesitating, I charged.

So stunned by my sudden movements at first they didn't react until one of them were pinned under me, my fists slamming into his masked face.

"Stop him!" Someone yelled but I was zoned out.

"Quick, grab the girl, she's getting away!"

I turned just in time to see a large hand clamp around Sophia's thin wrist. Momentarily distracted one of the masked men got me right in the eye. I let out a howl of pain but lunged for the one that had had her in his grip.

I head butted another that moved closer. I was trapped in the middle of them, but I didn't care. They had woken the beast, a ball of furry that would hunt them down until the promise of pain was fulfilled.

I charged one, slamming into him, clawing at the mask. It rose and red hair and a dumbfounded face were peering back at me. Dan Wilson, that little-

"Let's get out of here!"

They took off, grabbing a scared looking Dan with them. This deed would not go unpunished, I had half the mind to chase them but I realized that I wasn't alone anymore.

A luminated figure stood just under the street lamp, calming approaching me.

_You can rest easy tonight, everything is going to be alright, I promise._

Whenever Sophia was right in front of me she asked, "How can I repay you?"

I quickly took a damage of her. Her legs were cut up and her chees were still puffy as were her eyes. Bruises already appeared on her neck and arms. Goddammit.

I just shook my head.

"But, I want to." She persisted.

Slowly, I reached up and covered her face with one of my clawed hands, moving the mask away with my free hand. I leaned forward and hesitated above her lips, mere millimeter away.

Her breath was mingling with mine and she was the utmost still. God, I wanted to. I wanted to kiss those lips and make everything alright, to take the hurt that I had caused her, away. She'd never know it was me though.

Caught between doing the right thing, and doing what my heart was crying out for. Somehow she managed to bring that pointless organ front and center. My mind always won out, but with her, my heart always had its say.

We stood there for the longest time, neither of us moving. Her breath warm against my lips, body slightly nervous. I wanted to…my lips moved forward, but…I couldn't.

I just couldn't subject us both to that kind of pain, not anymore.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and quickly put back on my mask.

"Thank you…"

"I will fucking murder you-"

There was one slightly minor detail I had forgotten about. Jimmy was angrily standing outside of the bus looking like he was going to tear me limb for limb.

"Jimmy wait!-"

"Move over Sophia, I'm going to kick this guy's ass-"

"No! He saved my life!"

Jimmy must have gotten a good look at her because he stopped in his tracks.

"What the hell-"

While he was interrogating her, I hid softly in the distance to listen as she recalled how they ambushed and started hurting her.

I would find a vengeance for Sophia and maybe, just maybe I could finally let everything rest. Finally.


	10. Chapter 10: Finality of Goodbye

**A/N This was a quick chapter that I got done with today at like 11 at night D: **

**I've been extremely sick still and a lot's been going on ( makes me miss work and all my writing time ;D )**

**Thank you for the well wishes Bullworth Townie :') Much appreciated.**

**And as always thanks for the reviews/follows/fav's :D They mean a lot to me.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it :3**

Chapter 10: The Finality Of Goodbye

Grey skies and heavy clouds loomed over, the wind blowing so bitter and cold I had to wear a thick jacket. Things had been different since Halloween. People seemed to avoid me; the only ones that ever talked to me were Jimmy and Petey. Jimmy not very often since he was too enthralled in Zoe to really do much. Petey's time seemed to be divided between her and Gary. It was strange to think that just last year the three of us would have spent the whole year together.

I didn't know where I was going as I walked, lost in thought. Whenever I reached the edge of the football field, it dawned on me that I shouldn't be here. Bruises were now fading to yellow and green on my legs and neck, but who's to say they wouldn't add a few? Following the winding dirt road I was about to head back to the school, by passing going through the area where they played basketball.

The observatory stood, tall and proud against the darkening horizon as I began to close in on it. Without warning, the heavens opened and a downpour ravaged down. Seeking shelter in the structures tall terraces, I made my way up the cold, drafty staircase.

There was so much on my mind. With Beatrice's help I had managed to bring my math grade up and was able to steer clear of St. Mordreds for now. Petey had even asked me to the movies a few times, strictly platonic of course, but it was still nice to get around and do the things that I used to. It seemed like no matter where I went, the only place that I avoided entirely and that was the preppies beach house.

It just reminded me of too many things, I'd have avoided the observatory if it wasn't for the fact that it was too cold to attempt to walk back to the school. The shower rooms would probably be too full to use for a while, so I couldn't take a quick warm shower before going to bed. I shook my head and tried to get the water out of my hair.

Finally, I stepped up to the large room with arched windows. The room was a bit cold, but no more so than anywhere else.

What caught my eye was a shadow that was perched at one of the other windows.

"Uh-sorry to bother you Ernest, I didn't think anyone was in here-"I began until the figure turned.

Dark brown eyes stared back at me, appearing tired. A solemn but handsome face void of any emotions, a deep scar decorating his face.

" Gary.."

I hadn't talked to him since the day that I had helped him whenever he was sick. That had been quite a while ago. Standing there awkwardly, I didn't know what to do so I turned to head back down the stairs.

"It's raining too hard to go back out there." He stated, he had a point.

"It was you, wasn't it Gary?"

He only looked at me, eyes and unblinking.

"Hmmm?" he didn't even seem to be here in this moment with me, but rather somewhere far off. Why was it that he always went here whenever he was introspective? What kind of solace did this building hold for him? Of that I couldn't be sure.

"You saved me on Halloween night, didn't you? You saw those guys were hitting me, choking me, grabbing-"

"Stop."

His words were so cold and barren it caught me off my guard. I had thought that maybe it was him, that maybe he actually did care enough to save me. The kiss on the forehead had seemed like a dead giveaway but maybe I had been wrong-

"I was stupid to think that you would ever help me-"

"I don't want to think about how I've done nothing but cause you grief since you've been here, because of me; you've been relentlessly picked on and even physically harmed. I…I don't want anything to happen to you." He said standing up.

"For someone that doesn't care, that thinks I'm just another moron to play…you sure put up a good front. What's in it for you Gary, huh? What ultimatum do you have for not wanting me to get hurt, you already ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped it on the ground. I wish I never even-"

Before I knew it he crossed the room and captured my lips with his. Just one quick kiss of tenderness and he stepped back, eyes closed.

"Please….don't finish that sentence." He asked me, I saw his eye lids flutter but he didn't open his eyes.

I couldn't breathe. Tears started to well in my eyes, threatening to spill out all over my face. Before I knew it, they were full blown sobs.

"Oh Soph…" he groaned and reached for me, fingers brushing off my wet cheeks.

"Don't do that please…" But I couldn't stop even if I wanted too. His face was set in a stern and serious expression.

"I want to tell you something Sophia. I did a very bad thing to you last year. I lied to you. I didn't lie to you about ever loving you…I knew the path I was heading and I didn't want to see you down it. You're too good for that, too _normal_…what I'm trying to say is that as much as I loved you, I couldn't see you down that path so I had to get you to hate me. So you'd stay away from me and never get tangled up into this mess of a life that I've created."

My heart stopped beating in my chest and for a second my tears were silence. Did that mean…? Could Gary still care about me or was this all some stupid ploy?

"And yes, it was me that saved you. I'll be damned if they walk away from doing that to you, you can rest assure Soph."

I reached for him and he didn't deny me that comfort. His embrace was tight and warm even though there was a draft coming in from the window. The rain was still coming down in torrents, the scene so surprisingly bleak for a revelation of this proportion. He hadn't been playing me…he simply wanted to save me from himself. That was so like him…but my heart still sung from the abrupt separation.

He hugged me tightly for another second and then let go.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore Sophia. I know that if you stay with me then you're going to see me become a person that you won't like, a person you will come to hate, and I can't have that for you. You can come to me whenever you need me; absolutely and completely need me, but other than that. Don't look at me; don't talk to me, stay away from me Sophia….far, far away from me."

With those words he started down the stairs, only to look over his shoulder,

"Stay in here to the weather gets better, would ya?"

I stood there completely in awe at what he just said. Once again I was getting shut out of his life. Each time it hurt, but suddenly it was like a cloud had lifted and I was able to see things more clearly. Looking out the window, I saw him crossing the dirt path that had now transformed to mud.

I couldn't just let him walk out of my life for the second time.

"Gary Smith, you wait just a goddamn minute!" I yelled running through the rain.

"Goddamit, Soph." He growled at me.

In a few second I had reached him and stood right in front of him. The rain had drenched my clothes and they were clinging to me. Hanging in loose, wet strands, I pushed my hair back.

"You can't just tell me that and then walk away!"

"I just did." He deadpanned.

"Jesus Gary, you think I can't handle you? Who are you protecting huh? Me…or yourself?"

His face flashed in remorse.

"You, Soph. I can love you to the moon and back but that's not going to stop all the madness I have inside my head from polluting you, from tearing me apart. I can't fight who I am. I'm better off alone so I have no one to be paranoid of, no one to shamelessly hurt."

"Gary you can-"

"Sophia. You can't change my mind, so why don't you give up."

I was near the point of tears again. Give up. That's what he had done with me. He had given up, and there was no way that he was going to change his mind.

I wiped some tears from my face, thankful that it was pouring down rain. Leaning up, I pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

"Good bye Gary." The finality in my voice surprised me.

He was right; separation would be the best thing for the both of us. He was too scared to be his own man and even though it was evident that he still cared to a degree, there was nothing between us that could keep us together.


	11. My Own Prison

**A/N I had this chapter stored up in my mind for a while and I rather liked how it played out. **

** Thank you everyone for the follows/favs/reviews they mean A LOT to me!:D**

**Bullworth Townie, I hope you get better! :c **

Chapter 11: My Own Prison

The rain hadn't ceased to pour from the sky. Snow was expected soon, after all it was the nearing the end of November. November 23rd to be exact, the only reason I knew that because I was on my way to a very important meeting indeed. I almost wasn't aware that I was holding my breath whenever the cast iron doors were drawn back.

Bullworth Penitentiary. The epitome of the scum of the school and town that had infested one single area, where I was now about to step foot.

"Mark Smith, you have a visitor." One of the guards said on the intercom.

Two armed guards brought a tall, gaunt dark haired man with dull brown eyes and lanky hair into the room, shackles on his legs and his wrists. He wasn't inclined to run, but you never knew. Even though his face was hollow, I hated how much I knew I looked like him.

"Well if it isn't the rat bastard that got me put in here. How the hell ya doin' kid?"

"Father" I replied, mouth in a tight line.

It was nothing new, the obscenity and his toothy smile.

"What brings you to this dump for a visit?" He asked.

Every 4 months I was scheduled to see him. Every time he asked me the same question. As belligerent as he was, he got even worse whenever I didn't take these little visits. Pops had to bribe me to come. Every month I got fifty dollars in the mail for complying. It was nice to make a little pocket money off from these little visits. Pops didn't like getting the letters from the jail to complain about his behavior.

"Just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm doing awful. The food's shit, the faculty are fuck fa-"

"Easy there Mr. Smith." The guard at the door said. He looked particularly angry.

"Easy yourself Greg you big brute-"

"Father. Stop."

He turned around and looked at me, his eyes for once growing softer. I immediately knew what was to follow. Every time it was the same old thing. Nothing would ever change with my father's wondering mind, it always wondered to the same place.

"Tell me boy, have you heard from your mother?"

Every time it was the same old response.

"I haven't."

Unlike the last millions of times though, his eyes darkened.

"She's was a saint in this goddamn hell hole and YOU ran her away you piece of shit. No one wanted you. She didn't, I didn't and even now your grandfather doesn't want you. She was perfect before you came along and ruined everything like you always do. You're nothing. You won't amount to anything. I'll see you real soon son, pretty soon we'll both be in here…or maybe you'll go back that loony bin. You're going to end up being just. Like. Me."

Down. I was falling and I was falling fast. The sound of scuffling shoes on the linoleum floor and the angry grunt of my father were all that I could hear as my head hit the floor. Harder than I would have imagined, as there was a small pool of hot liquid surrounding me. I felt much too hot to even breathe.

He doomed me to a single fate that I had been avoiding. He had always told me growing up that she had left because of me, but never in so many words. Never in so many damning words that set me down a river of my own collapse.

I would be just like him…hovering in and out of sanity, worrying about a woman that no longer graced my life-

Sophia…dear God Soph. She would be my angel of my demise. The one thing that keeps my grip on the past alive and clear, the one thing that would save me from becoming a full-fledged disgusting human being that is incapable of anything other than manipulation and compelling lies.

A loud slam and I realized that they had shut the door.

"Can we get the medic in here immediately; one of the visitors passed out and hit their head pretty hard. Mhmm. Hard enough to bleed. Alright."

I could bleed out the rest of the blood on my body, and I would have been okay with that. Sitting there in a visitor area of the penitentiary, bleeding and dying just like my father was. Why not? Why couldn't I rot away like he was? It just wasn't fair. I needed to be institutionalized in some place that could handle me more than the joke that Happy Volts had been.

Soon there a man was already tending to my head. His harsh fingers kneading my scalp while I just sat there mewling through my private thoughts.

"There ya go, you're all cleaned up and ready to go buddy." He said patting my shoulder

"Mr. Smith, may we have a word with you?" one of the guards was saying.

I walked back over to the table and sat back down, looking at them inquisitively, wondering if they were already holding a cell for me. Might as fucking well.

"Your father recently switched meds and we had no idea that he would react the way that he would. Perhaps you should come back in two months and give him some time to recoup?"

That was a perfect thing indeed. I didn't want to see that man any more than I had to. I could just blame my father's persistent attitude on his new pills if Pops wondered if I had skipped seeing him.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan. If that's everything, then I'll see you sometime in January."

"We'll call you son."

I had never been so relieved to leave somewhere in all my life. The fresh air seemed to clear my head, but only slightly. I couldn't take those fenced in walls or those tight areas. I needed to go somewhere far away. The only place that I could think of was the pier.

On my way there, I passed the theatre only to see Petey and Sophia standing in line, looking so little and happy, the both of them. It was nice in a painstakingly aching way. Why couldn't I be like that? Just be able to take her places and not have to worry about my mind running and making some kind of dive to insanity. It was bound to happen after all.

I hated myself almost worse than I hated my father and I had never thought that, that would be humanly possible. Whenever I made it to the pier, the water was surprisingly calm and the wind was brisk. Jimmy never came here anymore, and neither did Sophia I imagined. Whenever I had watched her it seemed like she had avoided it. Petey had even told me that he had asked her to go with him and she had made suggestions for somewhere else instead.

I wondered if it was because we had spent a lot of good times around here…and if my mind didn't return to her kissing me a week ago. I touched my lips softly, as if somehow I could feel that feeling all over again. Her sopping wet hair brushing against my neck, and our lips meeting after what felt like an eternity.

Sometimes you lost track of time whenever you were doing the same thing over and over again. Going through one therapy session to another, usually it was with a new therapist that the hospital had decided on. I didn't like him. His name was Dr. Todd and he acted like he knew everything, such a condescending bastard too. What he didn't realize was how easy it was to play him too. "Begrudgingly" open up about my mother and bam. That settled all my issues, so I spent the day talking about a woman that I barely knew.

It wasn't like she would really matter in my life right now anyway. My father was gone, Pops was gone basically, and everyone was gone. I didn't really need anyone though; I was good on my own.


	12. Chapter 12: Pay Off

**A/N A lot has happened in my life up to date and I apologize for my absence. I haven' given up on this story yet and I plan to see it to the end.**

**I appreciate all the kind words of encouragement reading them makes me literally feel like I can actually make something out of myself and be sucessful...so thank you all for that :')**

**Please read and review!:3**

**( I also would like to apologize for grammar/spelling ect. I got a new version of word basically and still getting used to it, plus I wrote it at 6 a.m, after not sleeping at all D: So my apologize ahead of time.)**

**Edit- My God, I severely apologize if you read the first published version. I glanced over it and noticed that my spell check doesn't work worth shit and slammed sentences together in places they should NOT be. -_- All fixed now though.**

Chapter 12: Pay Off  
Snow was falling and the beginning of December was perfect. The students of Bullworth all were in the festivities. Christmas was right around the corner. Stocking caps and scarf's littered the dorms.  
I could barely keep my mind awake in Mr. Galloways class. It wasn't really necessary hough. I could have passed his class in my sleep. Finally the bell rang signalling that I had to go to Ms. Phillips photography class. It was a class that I actually enjoyed.

" Now class, I want you guys to bundle up and go out and take pictures of places that you consider scenic." She instructed as we all sat eagerly in our seats. We usually got to go specific places, but this...this was free reign.

There were a chorus of " Yea's!" and some groans. I huddled in between Jimmy, who for once was in attendance, and Petey, his pink undershirt barely visable peeking out of his slightly shorter jacket.  
" where do you have in mind?" Petey inquired as Jimmy led the way.

" I was thinking we could get some shots at the graveyard, the pier, and maybe the town." he was saying, picking a far enough destination that it would be a chore getting to, his intent of stalling perfectly the pier...anywhere but there. Petey nudged me to get me to keep walking walkig. I followed closely behind Jimmy, trying not to slide on a patch of ice.

You know Petey, you should go on a legit date with Sophia."

Both Petey and I burned subconsciously realized that we had been walking close in an attempt to keep warm, but broke apart as soon as Jimmy said something.  
I could never think of Petey like that...it was just too strange. The thin, lanky boy beside me was more like a brother than anything that He had.  
"

N-n-no! Gary-"

" Fuck Gar, Petey. He doesn't care about Sophia."

I smacked at Jimmy in irritation. It was hard not to make a remark disagreeing with him. Knowing Jimmy, he wouldn't even believe me although it was the truth. Gary did care, somewhere deep inside that scarred body, he still cared about me...  
Besides, no matter how hard Jimmy tried...it just wasn't like that with us. Gary knew it _and_ Petey did too.

" It was just a suggestion...geez..." Jimmy coincided

" Great suggestion" Petey mumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes. What seemed like a half an hour went by before we were standing on a muddy slope that was neatly powdered with a touch of snow, as if no one had ventured down here in the weather to pay their respects to the waiting dead.

" You think Ms. Phipps would care if we missed second bell?" Petey's voice held an mistakable worry. Leave it to Pete to ask.

" Nah, it's last class of the day, so." Jimmy reminded him, as he looked around the graves.

We shot a few pictures of the snow covering the tombstones and a few of wilted flowers marking graves. The whole atmosphere was so somber. I was half expecting Jimmy to start making jokes about the dead or at least steal the flowers...but he said nothing as if his mind were on something, something that just so happened to be far, far away.

" Hey, look. I'm going to go to town to take a few shots, I'll meet you guys back at the school later after you get some shots of the pier."

I tried not to not to raise my eyebrows. By that he meant that he would be ditching us to go spend some one on one time with Zoe in town.

" Gotcha. I said grabbing Petey by the arm and wheeling toward the path that we had came from. The walk back was almost as silent as the walk to the graveyard. The silence was only interrupted twice. Once whenever Petey started coughing and the second whenever he spoke up.

" Gary still cares about you, you know. He might not say he does, but he does. I think it's eating him alive Soph."

" I know. He told me it'd be best if I stay away from him."

Petey looked surprised and mildly that Gary had left him out on the loop on that one.

" You don't want to go to the pier do you?" He asked softly. I shook my head. At least he got me. A stupid girl in love with a person that thought they were a monster. A stupid girl that was still dealing with a past pain and a new revelation. What a great person I was to be around I'll bet.

"Let's just go to the vale and take pictures-" We were already boarding the pier as we spoke. Might as well.

" Let's just get it over with..." I sighed. There had to be a point where I stepped up and stopped avoiding things that reminded me of Gary altogether. What was next, avoiding Jimmy and Petey because they used to all be good friends?

As soon as we got near the bottom of the bridge, I wished we hadn't. We weren't alone. A group of blue clad preppies were underneath the bridge, sheltered somewhat by the bridges tall protection against the wind.

" I say Bif, is that, that girl that Smith boy is infatuated with?"

Gord was begrudgingly handsome and posh in his Aquaberry sweater. He was also a little snot but that wasn't as noticeable as the first, at a glance.  
He was walking closer now  
"

You know, for a lower class female, you are not bad. Perhaps you'd go with me to the movies , it'd make mummy most cross and once again she'll raise my allowance-" he began.

Greedy, greedy bastard. Leave it to the preppies to say something like that though.

" I didn't think you even associated with 'low class females' let alone date them." I bemused.

" He sneaks around with Lola for God sake Soph. 'Low class female' can't get anymore low than that.

I couldn't stifle my laugh that burst forward. Since when did Kowalski start saying things like that in front of people?

" Why you little-"

" C'mon Gord. Calm down. I think it's best that we didn't date and if you don't mind, you can leave my best friend alone, alright?"

I nodded my head towards Petey to make my point.

Gord only shrugged, not missing a beat.

" I could buy you anything you wanted...oh well, I tried."

I could almost see Petey rolling his eyes even though I was standing in front of him.

" Come on Soph. Let's just take our picture and get out of here..." Petey mumbled.

" Maybe this all worked out, wouldn't you say Bif? After all, Smith did pay me to keep an eye on her. He'd probably hit me, that crazy loon-"

I hit him and I hit him hard...enough to make my knuckles crack. Bif's eyes were large in surprise and a few other preppies, one might have been Derby by the flash of blonde hair, were advancing.

" I'll make you eat your words you preppy douchewad!"

" Soph, C'MON." Petey yanked me away from Gord who was starting to tear up...and he was one that got in the ring? Could have fooled me.

" I will-" I began victoriously. I was tired of everyone pegging Gary as 'the loon' he thought so badly of himself already that he didn't need anyone else saying it.

" You won't." Petey said with finality.

" And what's this about Gary paying them?"

Petey sighed again. " He's been doing that ever since you, ya know...got pounded."

" Goddamn Gary-"

" Sophia...Shut up."

" Petey, fuck off-

" Let's play nice, ladies." Jimmy said coming upon us.

" Shut up, Jimmy." we both said in unison.

He raised his eyebrows. The look on his face was priceless. It was totally out of character for the both of us to get hot around the collar.

" Let's just go back to school." I managed pulling Petey along beside me, hoping that by taking his arm that he would take it to be the silent apology that it was. Petey and I never fought really, but for some reason he seemed really tense around Gord and the rest of the clique.

" Whatever you say ladies." Jimmy smirked at me.

" You've got hicky's on your neck, Jimmy."

" Well you would too if you weren't such a wuss." Jimmy berated Petey.

" By the way, you guys need to sneak me in the boys dorm, I need to tell Gary-" I interjected.

" I'm not helping you talk to that sociopath." Jimmy returned in disgust, it carried through his words and into his eyes. Before I had time to explain, he was already gone.

" Don't even other. Gary hasn't been hanging around in the dorm for a bit. I haven't seen him that much lately."

I said goodbye and headed for the observatory.  
The fresh coat of snow was untainted by human marks there too. The darkening sky bullied the sun and stole the little bit of warmth that the sun had provided, leaving a frigid frost.  
The observatory was drafty and big, though also seemingly empty.. My fingers stung from the chill of the big building so I crammed them into my coat jacket.  
Gary had said not to talk to him unless I really needed him, but what would that constitute? Where was he? He seemed so far away, never had everything seemed so complicated to deal with, but with such simple words.

_Gary Smith, where are you?_


	13. Chapter 13: We Meet Again

**A/N I am definitely not done with writing this story, it's just been a slower process that I was initionally thinking o: Anyways, I hope you guys like it! **

**Please drop me a review or two it makes me so very happy~!**

**Lyrics by Breathe Carolina " Edge Of Heaven"**

As hard as I tried I couldn't keep the cool off me, nor did I care at this point. There was nothing like a sheer frost that permeated straight through to your insides. I walked around Bullworth Vale, hoping not to run into anyone since it was already starting to get late. It was better that way. How many days had it been since I had went to school? So many days that I had lost count.

It wasn't so much finding myself time. I didn't really need to look closely to realize who I was. I already knew. Laid out before me was a couple more stints in Happy Volts then straight to the pen to see my old man. They'd label me there tride and true, Gary Smith, son of Mark Smith, first class psycho and a second class asshole.

That was me. I took a deep breath allowing my mind to keep spinning while I tried to keep up with it. There was literally no way I could reign it back in. My mind and I would be falling in the empty chasm of insanity soon anyway.  
Snowflakes fell on my thin jacket, slowly melting and leaving a wet patch in it's place. The sound of tire squeals and yells cut through the silence. I hadn't realized I had walked closer to the convenient store until I saw the neon sign flashing vibrantly against the bleak evening sky, causing the snow on the ground to take on iridescent shades of color.

Up ahead there were a group of people I recognized. Edgar, one of the head Townies and the rest of his croneys were on their bikes right beside, no other than Hopkins. Of course he had Sophia and Petey with him.

" Would you look who decided to show his ugly mug around these parts. You come to apologize for your behavior last year, huh scarface?" Edgar asked.

His dark face slightly stubbled, his body lean and ready to fight as he clutched the handle bars of his bike so tightly that his knuckles shone white.

" Only if you apologize for being stupid and easy to manipulate, scum." I retorted.

" Wrong motherfucking answer." As soon as he started towards me there was a barely audible squeal that I easily pinned as Sophia.

" Edgar, we gunna race or what? We don't have time to fight with that wimp."

" Pfft. Wimp. Speak for yourself Hopkins." I replied, toying the line.

" I can beat your ass any day of the week, Gary."

" Why don't you try, friend?" I egged him on.

" Not while there is ladies around. Yo Petey, Soph, scram would ya? It's going to get ugly here in a minute." Jimmy called over his shoulder.  
Sophia's eyes were large and she spluttered a protest.

" I'll walk the ladies to safety and I'll be back to prove you're wrong Hopkins."

" How do you know you won't flake Gary?"

" Oh trust me, I won't." I knew it came out sounding very brazen.

He only eagerly nodded and I walked Petey and Sophia to the bus stop.

" Go to school femme-boy. Maybe you'll learn how to be a man." I gave him a shove towards the bus.

" Soph-!"

" She's coming with me for a bit Petey."

While the bus took off leaving a very shocked Petey looking after us, a very perplexed look on his face.

" What are we doing, Gary?" Sophia asked. Her blonde hair catching in the cool breeze, her nose a slight shade of pink, just like her frozen lips.

" I'd feel better if you spent the night at the pier."

" Oh, so you have someone you paid to watch me."

I wasn't surprised that she found out about that. People of Bullworth couldn't keep their goddamn mouth shut to save their own lives. I didn't answer her. I only walked silently beside her.

" I thought you said you didn't want me in your life anymore..."

Silence still. I couldn't answer that question with honesty. I couldn't tell her that she was almost the only thing that kept me sane. I couldn't let her know the power that she held over me. That staying away from her was killing me, but keeping me alive.  
Part of me knew I had to do everything in my power not to dirty her with my insanity and my ways that would devour her soul with a dark, unhappiness that nothing could lift. Then the other part of me loved her, loved her kindness and patience and saw her for the feeble weakness, naivety, and timidness that posed no threat to my existence.

All the memories we shared kept me grounded. Was that the only thing that kept my father from spilling over the edge? I knew it without a doubt.

The pier was right insight. It had been quite a long time since we had been there together.

" Bif and Derby are over there boxing and will be staying there most of the night. If you have any trouble, call them. Here's Derby's number. Take care of yourself, Soph."

I handed her a piece of paper and her fingers lingered on mine.

" Gary...please-"

" No Soph. Stay here." I warned loudly.

" You're going to get killed."

" Please, with Hopkins? I don't think so."

With that I turned my back on her and began walking away. God forbid I back down now. For too long I toyed with the notion of taking Hopkins down, but now, it was all so blurry. Pills, did I take them? I couldn't remember. Some blue ones here, some yellow ones there, maybe I had. Who the hell knew? I didn't.

I began to march back to the race sight. My legs felt faulty at best, like they were made of pip cleaners, barely taking a single straight shape. I was a sad excuse for someone ready to fight, but my adrenaline was starting to kick in again.

_" Beat Jimmy. Take him down. Rule them all."_

The voice whispered like a caress against my brain causing my gut to tighten. Back was the voice of error. I nearly collapsed where I stood, but managed to berate myself. I stood taller than before, before I had fought it through the process, this time...it would become me.I could feel it coursing through my body. Like a sleeping lion dormant in my chest. The beast had woken again.

_" Rule them all."_

_Falling, I need it all, hanging from the edge of heaven._

I couldn't fail this time.

_My original sin, we meet again._

There was no more room for an conscious thoughts. It seemed like there was an overload of thoughts. Too many. Way too many. I was standing in a deserted back alley but I had never felt so crowded. So far gone not even the calls of Sophia, begging and pleading could bring me back.

This time I didn't have a course of action.

_" You need more time to prepare, you imbecile."_

" No, I'm taking care of this now."

_" You are a fool. You must hide and plan every detail."_

" That failed me, remember?"

" Who the hell are you talking to Gary, you freak?" Jimmy's voice cut through my conversation with my own subconscious.

It was like all my senses blacked out. Too much thinking, now nothing, The world seemed to sway before there was no more.


	14. Chapter 14: Injuries Sustained

**A/N This is what I've gotten of the story done thus far, this lovely 'OC in this chapter belongs to the ever stunning Concentration Maple-ation whom I love very dearly :3 **

**That being said, I hope you all like the chapter, please, please, please toss me a review eh?:D**

**Also, I sincerely apologize about the grammar if it's not too great/spelling. I went over it a couple of times but I am so tired so I probably didn't pick up on a lot of what I should have. Like I've stated before there will be touch-ups/ grammar/spelling clean ups as soon as the story in a whole is finished.**

**Thank you all who have followed/fav'd/reviewed :3 It means a lot to me, it really does.**

**Lyrics by The Used " Kissing You Goodbye"**

" Gary got w-what?" I exclaimed unable to believe what Petey was saying. His brows were knitted together as he went over what happened once again.

" Jimmy said that he was acting all weird and was talking to himself, then he just went into a blind rage and started throwing punches. Jimmy said he gave Gary what he deserved, and that he, Duncan, and Edgar took off. This morning I reported to Dr. Crabblesnitch's office like I always do and he was on the phone with Happy Volts Asylum about taking Gary back in, because he was expelled, but Gary couldn't be found, even though he was hurt pretty badly."

Goddamn Gary. Always getting himself hurt and in trouble. What did he always have to prove? Petey seemed to realize the nerve had undoubtedly been struck.

" Gary'll come out Soph. You know Gary, he knows everything, he see's it all."

I knew Petey was right, I mean he couldn't have gotten too far away right? I'm sure that it had been the police that had broken up the fight, after all, how would Crabblesnitch have known to expel Gary in the first place? I wondered just how extensive this damage had been...  
Petey gave me a quick hug before he made a quick exit of the girls dorm. If Mrs. Peabody caught him in there, there would surely be trouble.  
Angie was in our room with her head immersed in her book, like most days, when I arrived.

" It's true that Gary got expelled again, isn't it?"

I nodded and grabbed for my coat and scarf. Ang gave me a pointed face, it was as if she could see right through me and didn't like it one bit.

" Be careful okay?" She asked. I only nodded as I passed.

Outside the weather was gusting something hard and the flurries danced across the wind in a dazzling pattern that I might have paused to enjoy if I wasn't heart-sick.

There wasn't a soul out today, the frigid temperature hoarding off the masses.

A jolt of dark, chocolate-brown with golden streaks amplified as if by the sun, though it was at this moment heartily nonexistent, danced crossed my vision catching me off guard.

" Who does that Johnny think he is, making me walk all this way, and of course these shoes don't even-"

The Cockney accent was barely traceable in their voice, but their appearance had me momentarily stunned.

Standing before me now having jostled out of the near by tenants was a girl who appeared shorter than I was, with long bangs that swooped down framing her face and covering one eye. Only one startlingly bright green eye peered back at me.  
I couldn't help but to stare at her birthmark, a diamond-shaped intricacy under her unhidden eye. Her leather jacket was a little too big and she gave off the slight scent of cigarettes, as if she'd been smoking a bit ago or around someone who was.

It wasn't hard to pin this girl as a Greaser.

" I'm sorry-" I began.

" Ah..you scared me. Me too, me too."

" I haven't seen you around before, are you new?"

She blew the part of her bangs away from her eye, but it quickly fell back in place, poking her eye.

" Yeah, I am. Peanut and I go way back and he said this place was alright."

" Nice, I'm Sophia by the way."

" Sylvia." The girl replied.

" What are you doing out here anyway?" I asked curiously, hoping I wasn't over stepping my boundaries with the questioning.

" Johnny needed some smokes and I have the money. He said they don't card in the grocery store anyway. I could ask you the same." She nodded towards me.

' Yeah, they never card. Trent always goes around bragging about it."

" That big guy with the acne and the blue eyes?"

" Yeah, that's Trent."

" Yeah, I saw him the other day making out with that jock boy with the shaggy hair yesterday. Thought the Jock was going to cry. He ran off saying he just wanted to play football."

" Why am I not surprised?"

As I walked beside the new girl I could already tell that we could be friends. Something about her almost careful speech made me realize that there was something below the surface. I tucked that thought away for later evaluation.

"- Then I said to him, ' I'm not your baby cakes Johnny and you'd better go home before Lola find out how drunk you are!' "  
The both of us erupted in a fit of giggles that were quickly stifled at the sight of something deep and dark spotting the snow.

" OH my God, is that blood!?" she said, shocked and appalled, her face twisting in horror.

My heart sank in my chest.

" Maybe a wild animal got loose, or maybe a dog got hit by a car and is hurt. Let's go follow the trail. Maybe we can help them." She suggested.

I followed behind her, body shaking from the cold, saying a silent prayer that whatever was bleeding was okay.  
The trail led up into an exclusive part of the town that overlooked the whole landscape. As we traveled farther, the blood began to get thicker.

" Geezus, I'm beginning to think this isn't a dog..." I sincerely hoped that she was wrong. As the blood began to show in small pools, we found the source underneath and awning.

Face beaten almost past he point of recognition, the grey coat they had been wearing was cut and frayed, covered in dark red splotches.

" What the fu-"

With tears in my eyes clouding my vision I ran to their side, lacing my hands with theirs, brown wrists bands held a sliver of blood on them.

" Gary?"

I couldn't bring myself to let go of him.

" I'm not dead Soph." My eyes snapped open and I clutched onto him tightly.

" Gary, barely. You might as well be...look at you." My lip trembled.

" Don't cry over me Soph." His grip on me was weak and feeble.

" We need to move him, he'll freeze to death here." Sylvia perked up.

" Clever girl, Soph I'd hate to be a bother, but could you girls help me?" Gary replied.

Stripping off my jacket I laid it on the ground and carefully moved Gary onto it, he seemed like 200 pounds of dead weight. As little as Sylvia was around, we manged to use my jacket as a makeshift stretcher, leading him inside into a complex series of tunnels.

" You don't plan on killing me and burying me here right?" Gary teased, half-heartily.

" Gary, you are-" I sighed.

" Here." Sylvia took a handkerchief out of her too big jeans that sagged and handed it to me. Taking some snow off my jacket, I allowed it to melt in my hands so that I could use it to dampen the cloth. Holding the now wet cloth in my hands, I waited for it to be a bearable temperature before I gently began wiping his face to investigate his wounds.

Once that was done, I shuddered. He'd have another scar on his face, a slight one running along his cheek.

" Asshole hit me with a bike bar." He snickered.

I touched his face gently. He was going to look back with another memory of pain and violence, a mark upon his handsome face to contest to that.

He laid his hand over mine.

"I'll be back to bring you some food, clothes, and blankets as soon as possible. You have to lay low or you're going back to Happy Volts."  
His eyes grew harder, more distant.

" I'll go. What's the use. I'm already crazy Soph. Not you, not ANYONE, can change that."

" Gary, fucking listen to me, I won't let you go back in there."

I pressed my lips against his chapped ones in desperation to make him see how much I cared. To make him understand. I ached for something to happen, for something in his head to click.

_Don't let me go, don't say goodbye._

His mouth moved against mine as if he were going to protest me again.

_I'm not kissing you goodbye, on my own, I am nothing, just bleeding, I'm not kissing you goodbye._

"...Soph."

_Don't let me go._

" Gary, no..."

_Don't let this love die._

Silence.

_Don't say goodbye._

" I can't make an_y pr_omises..."

_I'm nothing, just bleeding, not kissing you goodbye._

" Gary, you said if you needed me you would be there. I need you for me...when I had no one to pay attention to pay me any mind, you did. I need you for you. Gary you aren't crazy, you're making yourself crazy."

Tears slid down my face.

" Bring me some clothes would ya? I hate being cold." tears were streaking down his cheeks, he looked more like a frightened child...so open and vulnerable than I had ever seen.

"I'll be back, okay?" I said wrapping him up in my coat.

" You'll be cold."

" I'll be okay." I kept stealing glances back at his tattered frame. I hadn't even realized that Sylvia had left. I was surprised to find that she was right outside talking to some me. They were wearing scrubs and immediately my heart plummeted into my chest.

" See, there she is. I told you she'd be back in a second. I really didn't want to see her bury that poor dog, it was going to break my heart...and she even wrapped it up in her jacket for me before she didn't. I just...I couldn't stand seeing the poor thing like that." Sylvia hiccuped in a very convincing, near tear ridden sounding voice.  
I brushed a few tears out of my eyes as we quickly led the orderlies towards the pier, saying that was the last place that we had seen Gary.  
The walk back was a silent one, both had too much on our minds.

" You love him, huh?"

" What? Uh...yeah, I really truly do."

She nodded. " Ahhh, shit, I forgot about Johnny's smokes, he's gonna roast me! I'll catch you later! If you need any help, come get me, I'll be at the tenants!"

" Alright, thanks by the way...for you know, covering." I smiled sheepishly.  
She gave an ear to ear grin.

" Not a thing."


	15. Chapter 15: Unwanted

**A/N Jesus it has been so long since I've updated this, but trust me, I have every intention of finishing this story until the end, so it might take longer than I had originally intended, but you can rest assured it /will/ be finished. That being said, thank you all so VERY much for all the reviews/favs/ follows!:D It really makes me sooooo soooo happy. Once again, I apologize for all the spelling/grammar issues, it's 4 a.m in the morning while I'm writing this, and I've been /so/ sick D: **

**Lyrics are " Clarity Featuring Foxes" by Zedd :3 ( I felt like it was really fitting for this moment) **

**So thanks all! Read and review pretty pretty pretty please?:D**

Chapter 15: Unwanted

The wounds on my skin were starting to heal and slowly but surely I was staring to feel more like myself, under Sophia's care. The images of her lying beside me to keep me warm touched a place in my heart I had fought so hard to bury.

I tried to convince myself that we were better off without each other, but I couldn't get past how tightly her grasp on my heart strings pulled. I temporarily shoved it aside as I thought about the task at hand.

Once again I was expelled and instead of the lovely white padded cells to go to, there was only one place that I had left to go. I wondered if Pops would really care if I came back. " Home" had never really been a thing, especially after I was 13. I ran a calloused finger along the scar on my brow. I was just lucky I wasn't dead.

The trek back to Pop's was a wintry bluster. A bright yellow light caught my attention and I knew subconsciously that I was stalling. Perched in the window display was a delicate looking gold necklace. The impulsive side of me was already at the front counter with an inquisition in mind.

" How much for the necklace?"

" That one? $65 m'boy." His accent made me think of all the hoity toity preppies and that annoying Derby Harrington.

" I'll take it. Gift wrapped too please." I said lying eighty dollars on the table. He gave a brisk nod and tucked my summer savings from taking up the lawn keeping, into the register and then retrieved the necklace from the display.

I tucked the parcel after it was wrapped into the pocket of the thick coat that Sophia had bought me and headed toward Pop's. There was no point in putting it off any longer. It was drawing closer to night already. The snow was falling down happily, unperturbed by the bustling people in the streets.

As soon as I reached Pop's I slid the door open with a knock.

" Hey Pops?"

Pops looked the same as he always did, he was still wearing a Hawaiian shirt regardless of the weather, as well as a fishing hat, his bristly grey hair sticking out just like his mustache.

" The fuck do you want kid?"

" Tomorrow's Christmas and that's how you greet your only grandson?"

He didn't seem to care, he only sneered.

" You ain't no grandson of mine, just a good for nothing crazy nobody like your father." He retorted gruffly.

I winced inside at his comment. Keep it together, keep it straight. I repeated in my head as my silent mantra.

" Aren't you at all happy I'm home?" I asked, pressing on, the sound of my voice was even and straight even though I was quivering on the inside.

" Home? You aren't welcome here anymore. You are no use to me, you got expelled, the loony bin is after you. You're just like-"

" I'm not!" I screamed, surprising the both of us.

" Your mother only did one thing right, leaving you-"

" Stop it! Stop it! Stop!"

The pained screams I realized were my own.

"-and your father was right scarring your pathetic face, now he's in a better place where he belongs and you'll always remember that scar as a reminder that no matter what you do, you'll always be the same."

" Shut the fuck up.." Sobbing, my body was wracked with the pressure of my tears.

" Don't you talk to me like that in my house you little delinquent. Get out of my house before I call the white coats and let them know where you are. Get out of here, do you hear me?"

My body refused to move until he pushed me out the door into the brisk winter afternoon air.

_You'll always be the same._

I hated that he was right. I hated that I was crazy. I hated myself what little bit of sanity I clung to that told me I was crazy, I hated that too.

I wasn't the broken boy that Sophia thought I was, I was shattered beyond repair. Beyond anything, I wasn't someone that could easily be loved if neither a mother nor a father could find it in their hearts to care. Inadvertently, I had made up my mind to say my final goodbyes.

I would say goodbye to Sophia as my last act of rebellion before I let myself embrace the other side of me. I would not be like my father with a small anchor to the real world. I was going to cut her free. Free forever.

Following the path down to the pier I jiggled the door knob to the preppies clubhouse., it wasn't budging. Fishing around in my pockets, I pulled out a set of keys. I always kept them with me, just in case. Pushing through the door, I glanced around the dark room while my hand trailed along the walls feeling for the light switch. As the room was being bathed in light, I crossed the room to the phone.

Straight from my memory, I dialed one of the only numbers that I could actually remember..

" Yes, can I speak to Mr. Kowalski please." I knew that I'd either be able to talk to Petey or have his dad have Petey call me, since he spent most of his time down there anyway.

" Gary?"

" Petey? Great, I was hoping you'd be there. Can you Sophia to meet me tomorrow at noon at the Vale please?"

" Yeah sure, you doing alright?"

"There was so much concern in his voice that I didn't know what to say to him since it would be the last time.

"I cut through Petey's " Hey, I gotta go's "

" Hey, uh listen. Take care of Sophia, Petey alright? You and Jimmy both. Take care of yourself too."

"...I will. You okay Gar?"

" Never better Femme boy. Goodbye."

" Alright, bye."

I put the phone back in its place and paced the room, taking the small parcel out of my jacket and lying it on the table beside the bed before I locked the door. With a sigh, I slid into bed.

The next morning I woke up with a ringing sensation in my ear ad I managed to drag myself out of bed long enough to check the time. It was already 11:48. I had nearly over slept. Grabbing my jacket, I slipped the necklace into my pocket, and headed for the Vale.

_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_

Standing against the back drop off all the drab houses, clad in long, woolly stockings and the standard skirt, clutching her arms against her chest, was Sophia.

_If our love is insanity, why are you my clarity?_

As I drew closer towards her, I couldn't quell the shakes but my mind was straight and true, I knew what I had to do.


	16. Chapter 16: Meeting In The Vale

**A/N I feel like this chapter is a short one for some reason D: anyways, I'm working on my next chapter as we speak, so hopefully things will work out to where I finish this soon. I was predicting like 40 chapters at first I think? Well, yeah not happening xD I actually know exactly how this is going to end and I'd say within 3-5 chapters the end will come ^^;**

**Anways, thank you guys soososososososososos much for all the follows/fav's/ reviews! :D they mean the /world/ to me :3**

**Lyrics " She Falls Asleep" By McFly ( such a beautiful, beauuuuuutiful song)**

Chapter 16: Meeting In The Vale

All around the Vale was silent and it seemed like everyone was tucked inside their cozy homes, gearing up for Christmas dinner. Another fresh coat of snow lined the ground and all the stores were closed. From the direction of the Preppies clubhouse, I could make out a lone figure walking forwards.

I couldn't help the smile that had been tugging on my lips. He was looking better, physically. Color had returned to his brooding face and there was barely a trace of the beating that he took, except for the thin gash on his cheek that was attempting to heal. The light though, it had yet to return to his eyes, they were somberly taking me in.

" Soph." He said and without any hesitation, he reached out to me. His arms folded around me and for that instant everything was right in the world. His heart beat like nothing had ever been out of place. With as much strength I could muster, I held him back. He gave me a slight kiss on top of my head before he drew away from me.

" Merry Christmas, Gar." I said with a smile, reaching into my bag, pulling out a present wrapped in dark green paper.

He looked at it curiously before he said, " I hope you didn't go through any trouble on getting me anything, Soph."

I practically pushed it into his hands in excitement, biting my lower lip in antication. He stared at it for a long moment before he painstakingly began removing it from it's encasement, preserving the paper as if somehow tearing the paper would ruin everything.

In his hands he now held a relatively good sized book that's cover was done in hard plastic with the insignia of the Bullworth crest on it. I had found it tucked away at the gift store, pushed behind all the Bullworth T's. Every page was fillled with elaborate decorations and pictures from last year. Memories of Gary and I, very much happy tediously glued to the scrapbooks pages, along with Gary, Petey, Jimmy and I. He turned each page, scanning it quickly before moving on, his face unreadable.

" You like it?" I hopped anxiously from one foot to the other.

" Yeah, I love it Soph." He gave me a lopsided grin as he clutched the book under his arm as he dug around in his jacket.

" I got something for you too." He said handing me a small package.

" You didn't have to Gary." I told him, opening it.

Inside was a dainty looking gold necklace, so very slim and pretty. I stared at it flabbergasted.

" This must have cost you a fortune..." I said breathlessly.

He only replied with a shrug, " Here, lemme help you put it on."

I turned, moving my hair over one shoulder to give him full access to the clasp. His hands worked deftly, brushing across my bare skin.

" There." he murmered, turning me around to look at it.

" Beautiful, as always." He said with a wistful smile, I reached out and touched the corner of his mouth, wishing that I could take away whatever was on his mind. There was always something going on up there, he coud never just sit back and be happy.

" Don't smile like that...you need to be happy." I told him, reaching for his hand.

" Being with you was the happiest I had ever been, Soph. That's the truth." His lips hovered dangerously close to mine, lying my hand on his cheek, I brought him down the rest of the way. It was barely anything more than a longing carress, but it was more than enough for me. Behind Gary's hard exterior, his rough looks and his pompous remarks, was someone who needed someone desperately.

" I love you Gary." the statement was as true and easy as breathing. He buried his face against the soft part of my shoulder. " I love you too." came his muffled response. I almost got my arms around him before he moved away once again.

" How about we go inside and I'll try to make us something to eat, eh?" I suggested, looking him over. " Or are you going to spend it with Pops?" I asked tentatively, not really knowing where he stood. I wasn't sure if Pop's would even give a damn whether or not Gary was home for good or not.

" Yeah, I gotta take care of some things, alright?" He ruffled his hair and gave me a winning smile, so close to being one of his famous Gary smiles that I had to return it, but it was lacking something. Underneath the surface, there was something going on and he wasn't sharing.

" Are you alright, though? Petey said-"

" What does Femme boy know m'dear. Not shit." He said waving his hand to ward away the whole conversation. I knew that if I tried to press the situation any further I would be running the risk of irritating him.

" Alright, be careful then alright? If you need anything, anything at all, come see me. You know where I'll be. I can come by later just to make sure-"

" Don't worry about me Soph. I'll be alright, I'll be busy anyways, so enjoy your Christmas." he said turning around to walk off.

I caught him around the middle in a tight embrace, one hand around his waist, my other hand palm flat against his chest with my cheek against his back.

Please save me, I've been waiting,

Been aching, for too long.

" I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you, Gar." His body was frigid and he gave a slight chuckle before he patted my hand.  
She falls asleep and all she thinks about is you,

She falls asleep and all she dreams about is you.

" I know." and with that, once again, Gary dissapeared like a ghost that hadn't ever truly graced this plane in years. Part of me wondered if he had.


	17. Chapter 17: Final Breakdown

**A/N I have literally no idea why these chapters are getting so short D: urgh, maybe because the end is near ;-; anyways, thank you guys for all the awesome support and the lovely reviews! Since this story is coming to the end, I'll be taking one shot request and possibly even some long story requests!:D**

***I have a kind of "second book" if you will for this one coming up**

***Most likely start writing some chapters on my BifxDerby fanfict possibly, not sure if I should keep it as a one shot or write some more on it? Read it and let me know!**

***Doing some one shot requests so like I said, just get 'em too me :3**

**Lyrics by; " Mona Lisa" by Panic! At The Disco**

**Again, thank you guys for reading/reviewing/fav'ing/following! :D**

**I know it's short like I was saying, but I promise, the next chapter will /really/ be worth it!**

Chapter 17: The Final Breakdown

_There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for.._

_Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun reign down on me._

I waited until Sophia was long since gone before I slipped back to the beach house. I tossed the scrapbook on the bed, causing it to flip open to a random page. Looking down I saw my own face staring back at me next to Sophia and Petey. Two of the only people that really mattered to me. I slammed the book hard and collapsed my knees.

I was nothing more than a fuck up so why should I care about them? Caring about them had gotten me here to this very point of life...with a mother that didn't know me, a father that didn't love me, and the only other person in my family left didn't give two shits. I harrassed Petey, I hurt Sophia, and I had tried to destroy Jimmy. I caused so much greif in everybody's life, what was the point in even existing?

I was sinking so far down into my own despair that I hardly doubted there was any return from this point, but had there ever been? I wasn't so sure about that one. The room was spinning and I clutched onto the bed in fear of spinning completely out of control.

_" Control."_

that little voice in my head perked back up.

_"You can get yourself back together, you can be that person again, this time we won't fail."_

I was screaming but there were no words coming out.

_"You can win everything, you can ever have the girl again. You have her right where you want her."_

My first instinct was to curl up in a ball and let the feeling overwhelm me because there was nothing else that I could do.

_"You have bigger fish to fry than that school. You can take over this whole town, you can do it."_

Seconds, minutes, hours, hell even days might have passed as the thoughts began to overcome ever single will in my body, making me feel like an empty shell that had been thrown to the ground, disregarded.

Everything was staring to feel too heavy, the air, my body, all of my thoughts...they were just too much. Grabbing the book, I darted for the door, barreling through it with my shoulder. The luminescent moon was high in the sky, making me wonder just how long I succumbed to my own inner voices. My mind started to fuzz and I felt the urge to throw up but I held it back.

The night air was doing little to assauge the open wounds that my heart had become...but I was starting to feel too numb to deal with it all.

Walking, walking, keep walking. Losing vision, thoughts receeding.

I hit the edge of the water and didn't even turn around, just kept walking straight on. The water seeped into my shoes all the way to my socks. The burning sensation crawled it's way all the way up my spine as my body reacted.

The chill hit my ankles, causing my skin to crawl.

Keep going, I ushered myself on. Time to make the voices stop, once and for all.

The water line was creeping up around my waist causing my khakis to stick to my skin but still I pushed on. The sense of shock was lost on me because for once in my life after the voices had came, I couldn't hear them anymore. I couldn't hear one damn thing except the sound of my shallow breathing. There wasn't one part of me that was aware that I might be leaving this world forever, and if it registered, it didn't even matter.

I wouldn't let the voices overcome me, I wouldn't let my father define me, I wouldn't let my Pop's abandon me, and I wouldn't let Sophia keep holding out for someone that was going to taint them with their corrupted mind. The voices were dying now, I myself would define my father's actions, I would abandon Pop's, and sooner or later when I was long gone Sophia would move on.

Everything was so dark and so cold, I imagined this was what it was like when your last moment was upon you, but my life did not flash before my eyes. There was nothing but a calm complacency as I kept swimming, even though I was tired. So very tired of everything.

Slowly I started to fall under. Soon the water was well over my head. I reached my hand up to the beacon of light that the moon had become, growing ever smaller as I was falling farther.


	18. Chapter 18: Breaking The Flood Gate

**A/N This is it folks! The conclusion! After this there will be an epilogue then this story shall be finished! Please read/review/fav or wathever! Let me know what you think because I worked really hard on this one! Sorry if my spelling/grammar suck because like I said I've been sick and it's like 3:30 in the morning because I usually write these chapters after I get off work at 1 a.m **

**If you guys want a one shot or a big story, please feel free to PM me or comment on the reviews, I am /always/ up for writing:D **

**Thank you everyone that has read/review/fav/followed my story, I'm so happy that people have liked this! **

Chapter 18: Breaking The Flood Gate

Gary's rejection kind of stung a bit, but I hoped that him and his Pop's had restored their turbulent relationship and for once the crotchety old man recognized that the had better cherish the only family that he had left. She hoped for Gary's sake, not the old man's. For too long had Gary been denied any semblance of love or anything of the like.

Without realizing it, I had walked into the Greasers territory, this I could tell because Lucky was standing on the outside of a large shambled building with a lit cigarette between his lips. His green eyes flashing towards me, auburn hair catching in the afternoon street lights that were starting to turn on.

" What's doing?" He questioned stomping on Ricky demanded. Oh great...

" Hey Sophia." Sylvia said, causing the rest to look between the two of us.

" She's a friend of mine guys." Sylvia reassured them.

Johnny, who had his eyes around Lola, eyed me over.

" Aye, I hear you and that snake Gary are together." was all he said before shrugging, leaning over to offer me a cigarette. I didn't refuse it because I could tell it was their idea of a peace treaty, a kind of acceptance really. He snapped his fingers and Peanut lit it for me.

" So, what's up?" Sylvia asked curiously, watching me as I flicked the ashes that had accumulated from my cigarette, unable to fathom actually smoking the thing.

" I was just walking around." I confessed.

" Oh, cool. How's the dog?" she lowered her voice. Knowing that we'd all probably get in trouble if we talked about Gary's whereabouts, since he was supposed to be locked up.

" Checked on him today, he's up and about, but still seems off to me..."

" Well, why don't we stop by and see him later, just in case?" She suggested, causing her brow to furrow.

" That actually sounds like a good plan." I murmured in appreciation.

The chatter between the other's stopped whenever Johnny, who was admirably handsome with his slightly frayed hair and small hoop through his ear, proclaimed " I don't' know about you guys, bu tit's cold as balls out here, so let's go in."

As everyone was ushered in, Johnny turned before he hit the door.

" Yo, Ragazza, can I get a light of your smoke"

I glanced around me but no one else was holding any.

" Oh! Yeah, here." I said handing him mine in embarrassment, thankful that he did not give it back.

I hung back with Sylvia, " Ragazza?"

" It means 'girl'." she stifled a chuckle as if she had heard it plenty.

The building was a bit drafty and Lola was sitting in Johnny's arms. Ricky was grinning at Sylvia as he said " Yo, Sylvia...why dontcha come keep me warm?"

Her reply was only a roll of the eyes and Peanut cut Ricky of with a quick slap to the back of the head, " Ease up there, tough guy." It was obvious that Peanut had a thing going for her.

After watching the guys mess around for a while and exchange gifts that totaled; pocket knives, cigarettes, lighters, street signs and the like.

" Hey, I'm gonna walk Sophia home." Sylvia said when it started getting late.

There were a chorus of "No's" and " C'mon, stay you guys!"

I dug around my pocket for the bit of Christmas money my parents had sent me and peeled of a couple twenties before walking up to Johnny.

" Here's you guys a little Christmas gift from me, to buy some cigarettes or something ya know." He tucked the money into his old leather jacket before nodding.

" Thanks girl. Come back any time." He told me even though Lola's eyes were trained on me maliciously.

" So what's up with you and the guys here. Find any you like yet?" I asked, hoping I hadn't overstepped my boundaries.

" Pfft. Wellll..."

" C'mon, I'm not gonna tell anyone, plus you already know my secret about the Gary thing."

" That's true. Uhhh, well I grew up with Peanut and there's always been a thing between us. Then Johnny who is, well Johnny and it took me long enough to get in their clique with Lola being how she is and the whole ordeal, so yeah actually being into him is just too complicated. Oh, and that Kirby kid keeps telling me he loves my shoes." She ended with a snort.

" Oh God, he does that to you too?"

" He does that to everyone." She laughed.

Soon Pop Smith's house was upon us. With Sylvia behind me, I cautiously knocked on the door and waited. " What do you kids want!?" Pops said as he thrust open the door, giving us a once over. " I don't want no damn-wait...aren't you that girl that hangs out with my bratty grandson?" I stared at him appalled.

" He ain't here." He said slamming the door on the both of our faces, leaving us out in the night.

" Well, that man seems lovely." Sylvia said crossing her arms.

" I know, right?"

If Gary hadn't been there, then where had he been? Part of me was having a De'ja'vu of the last time something like this happened.

" You want me to help you find him?"

" Nahh, you go spend some time with your friends." I didn't want her to have to spend her holidays hunting down Gary while she could be at her house actually enjoying the festivities.

" You are my friend too Soph. If you need me, like I said before, you know where to find me." With that, she pushed her hair out of her eyes, and gave me a reassuring smile before disappearing.

With a single intent in mind I set off to find Gary. Whenever I reached the beach, my heart started bursting out of my chest at the sight of the agape beach house door.

I tore through the building, opening the bathroom door, praying that I didn't find him there hurt, mugged, or worse. When I was sure he wasn't in the house, I panicked. I ran out the door, looking around for any signs of him.

Was he out wondering? Had the Happy Vaults finally found him? Had he turned himself in? There was so many possibilities that my head was reeling. The moon was casting a brilliant light across the lake, and out of the corner of my eyes I saw a lone figure hanging onto a bouy.

The panic I felt was tenfold.

" Gary! Gary!" I screamed, running to the waters edge. There was no respond. He must have been- I didn't even want to think about it. PUlling off my jacket, I dashed into the frigid water.

" Hang on Gary!" I called, hoping that he could hear me.

I fought tooth and nail against the water. Swimming had never been my forte in the slightest, I barely swam even whenever it was mandatory at summer camp.

All I could think about was Gary, so far away, his body limp and his teal sweater soaked to the bone. It gave me enough adrenaline to push on.

My body was exhausted, but I kept going. I was afraid that I wasn't going to make it, that I was going to fail Gary in the end when he needed it the most.

I could couldn't contain myself when my hand finally hit the buoy. Gary's face turned to me, he was the color of a piece of paper, his lips an off shade of blue. He looked at me but it was like he was seeing through and onto something else.

Grabbing him around the middle I held onto him for dear life, frozen to the core. We were going to die here.

Maybe it was the feel of me there, the weight of my body against him, but it seemed to bring reality and some of his sense back to him. He blinked a few times.

Heaving him closer to the edge, I slid us both back in to the water, praying that we both would make it. It felt like hours passed before the shore came closer.

The second we hit the beach front, It took all my remaining strength to drag him through sand back towards the clubhouse. Finally , after putting him in the shower clothes and all, I turned it up full blast, adjusting the temperature so that it warmed straight to the bone.

With numb fingers I began taking off his sweater, reaching next for the button down, slowed down by the buttons, tossing the soaking clothes off to the side onto the ground, leaving him bare chested.

" These wet clothes need to come off, Gary." I told him handing him a towel, knowing that even with circumstances, there was a need of privacy. He was shivering as he attempted to stand, no telling how long he had been out there.

" N-n-no, I'll go wait. You get warm first."

I put my hand on his chest, holding him in place right where he was.

" Gary, you probably have pneumonia...you need to get warm, I don't want anything to happen-"

It was like the flood gate had been opened and the waterworks ensued. I was angry at him, so angry. Angry that he had tried to drown himself, angry that he couldn't see how much he was cared about and that he could overcome whatever was coming his way as well as whatever he was dealing with. Sad that he was broken, sad that I couldn't fix it. Hurt, dejected, and just exhausted. Somehow, I ended up in his arms, sobbing against his chest as water fell over the two of us.

" I know. Let it out." he said holding me.

" I-I am so mad at you!" I yelled at him, lips trembling. " So mad you would leave me, do this to yourself, push me away and not let me help." I slammed my fist against the wall to reiterate my point.

Gary's eyes were downcast. I cupped his chin in my hand, the other on his cheek, craning his head to look at me.

" Promise me you won't do it again Gary."

He was silent.

" Promise me, Gary!" My voice was getting louder, more tears threatened to make an appearance.

Gary only shuffled about trying to remove his pants while I shook my head, turning my head to the side.

" promise me." I told him again, when his towel was tied around his waist.

" You need to get those off." He told me. Standing angrily, I began pulling off my shirt haughtily. He had the good grace to turn away until I was completely covered in a towel.

Leaning down I captured his mouth with my own. His hesitancy did not cause me to falter. I wasn't tender or easy, I was steady and demanding. He always thought that he was, that he would be bad for me, that he would ruin me...he would ruin me if he didn't stop and come to terms with his life.

" Soph..." he groaned in between another kiss that was just as intent as the first.

" You can't break me Gary. I can handle you any way that you are. You don't have to run from me, from everything. Stop running, work through it."

His careful demeanor slightly gave way as his hand held my arm tightly as he met one of my kisses with the same intensity. It felt like heaven, to have him so involved her and now, his mind not wandering and him not preoccupied with somehow corrupting me.

" Promise me, Gary."

" You saved my life. I owe you that. I promise."

I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I could finally breathe.

" I love you Gary." I told him, holding him against me.

" I won't run, I"m done with running. I just...I..I need your help."

" Anything Gary, I'll do anything that I can to help. Just talk to me about it."

He buried his face against my sopping hair and held me good and tight. We sat there like that for the longest time, just letting the water wash away all the past mistakes and heading for a new start.

After getting dressed in a pair of Gary's boxers and old t-shirt, we lie side by side next to each other on the bed, his forehead touching mine.

" Soph, I accidentally dropped your scrapbook at the bottom of the lake."

" That's okay, we can always make a new one."


End file.
